


The Padawan Chronicles

by StormWolfe



Series: Hearts of Kyber [2]
Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Because honestly, Canonical inspirations, Child to Adult Timeline, F/M, Not really all that canonical, Novella fic, Supportive Obi-Wan, a whole lot of various topics, and the reader is supposed to be there for it, characterization series, individual warnings by work, lots of tropes, supportive other Jedi, there is a lot of time between Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2020-09-25 08:15:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 32,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20373571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormWolfe/pseuds/StormWolfe
Summary: This is a series of one-shots that covers the time between the events of Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. There is a lot of unaddressed time here, and I feel I need to bridge that massive gap so everyone can be on board with the events to come, and see that the root causes of those events aren't as unfounded as they would seem otherwise.Some stereotypical themes, probably. Focuses on the Anakin/Reader dynamic, but explores the dynamic with Obi-Wan and other characters as well.Canonical inspiration for certain fics, but otherwise, this is just canon-divergent fic that helps tie into the main canon-insert fics.(This work may be read independently of the series, however, there are small references to things that may not make as much sense as they would with reading TPM first.)





	1. Practice Duels: Age 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back!
> 
> The first step in your combat training, and the first Practice Duels fic within the Padawan Chronicles.
> 
> Warnings: None

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, today's date really snuck up on me, and I don't have half of this done that I wanted to have done...so rather than deprive you all entirely by pushing back the date, I'll leave this here and finish up the other things! 12-hour updates will resume when I can ensure I have the fics done to update that quickly. I will also have a chapter number once I know how many chapters there will be overall.
> 
> The main issue with not having things finished is that I intend to post these one-shots in order of age, so they read from Phantom Menace to Attack of the Clones; some actually even overlap slightly within the Padawan Chronicles!
> 
> Also, the Practice Duels series is a subseries of fics within this work that focus on lightsaber training. There are multiple works at various ages titled similarly!
> 
> Enjoy!

“Well, this is not going according to plan,” Obi-Wan commented. The cabinet loomed before him, empty, like the toothless maw of a Rancor. 

“What is it?” You asked, almost dreading the answer. Even standing on your tiptoes, you couldn’t see past Obi-Wan to find out what the problem was.

“Evidently we have more initiates in training than I thought. There aren’t any more training sabers.” He tossed you a regretful look, closing the doors. You and Anakin sighed in unison, and Anakin looked ready to drop his training helmet on the floor and give up. The helmets were nearly too small, in any case, and you really didn’t blame him. The hard, blinding material dug into your nose when you wore it. 

“All is not lost,” another voice chimed in. Yoda hobbled into the room, looking mighty amused at Obi-Wan’s predicament. “Many initiates we may have, but train them all we can.”

“You mean we get to use full-size lightsabers set to a lower power setting?” Excitement had returned to gleam in your eyes at that prospect. While the training sabers delegated to the other initiates--particularly the younger Clans--weren’t quite  _ shoto _ sabers, they were still about half the size of a full saber.

“No,” Yoda said, and you felt your face fall. “Have any here with dual power we do not, as far as I am aware.”

“What do you propose?” Obi-Wan seemed irritated that his teachings had somehow ended up getting shirked in favor of the other initiates and Clan leaders. You were a little old for initiates, sure, but you had both proven to be very quick studies.

Yoda shuffled across the room with the same kind of patience a particularly slow tortoise might have, and the rest of your group watched him go with the same kind of impatience a child at a tortoise race would. He opened the doors of the cabinet, then pulled open a small drawer whose handle was nearly imperceptible in the design of the cabinet. A rolling sound came from inside, and when Yoda turned around, he held two wooden sticks carved into the shapes of lightsabers. “Old training methods, these, but very effective they were. Spar; block blasters with them, you should not. Fragile, wood is, and easily broken.”

You took the fake saber, testing its weight before giving it a few practice moves, working from memory. It whirred through the air in a terrible approximation of a lightsaber's sound, and you resisted the urge to correct it by making the noises yourself. Anakin, however, did not bother to control that impulse, swinging it haphazardly with a series of  _ bzzssht  _ noises. Yoda interrupted your practice actions with a very loud observational hum. “Observing Form Four, you have been. Very good; but for now, Form One you will learn.”

“What does Form One mean?” Anakin asked, halting his own practice swings.

“There are seven forms of lightsaber combat, and only six of those are ones Jedi are allowed to learn. Form One is the most basic, and it will help you get used to using a lightsaber. Once you have a general feel for the art of lightsaber combat, you’ll be able to move onto other forms, and specialize in ones you prove specifically skilled in. Form One will help you develop your instincts and attunement to the Force as well,” Obi-Wan explained, speaking in as scholarly a manner as possible.

“Well-phrased, young Jedi,” Yoda praised. Obi-Wan smiled, standing a little straighter. “Training lightsabers, you will eventually use; unless first comes your Gathering.”

Yoda stayed through the training session, observing and giving guidance where he could. He was patient with Obi-Wan, being just as aware as you that your master was a very new Jedi, and for all his insistence, seemed unprepared for having not one, but two Padawans. After it became apparent that the training helmets weren’t optimal now, and certainly wouldn’t be if either of you hit a growth spurt, Yoda had produced blindfolds from another compartment in the storage cabinets. You were guided through each movement of Form One, and quickly learned it was more about quality of random instinctive moves than it was about the form and execution of specific movements. Yoda adjusted the setting of a pair of training orb droids, and instead of providing blasters to block, they orbited you, surging forward at random intervals and from random directions. You missed bopping them away a few times, the stinging impact sites sure to leave small bruises, but you quickly got the hang of sensing their location and sending them flying when they lunged. 

After the physical practice of keeping them away, Obi-Wan led you through the different zones of attack, guiding you through a duel in slow motion by directing your attacks, as well as how to correctly parry each one. You had an admittedly hard time adjusting to the semantics of Form One; the basic movements of Form Four came naturally to you now, and worked against you when your practice duel sped up. While Anakin did not know how to execute those moves, he recognized the difference easily, and his comparative mastery of the basics of Form One easily found them as faults. As a result, you got better at omitting the advanced moves, but Anakin had already gained the extra practice in the basics. By the end of the training session, both of you were sore; not from the exertion, as exercise had become a staple of your afternoons, but from the pain of your training sticks hitting each other. Yoda praised you all well, too, seeming pleased with the growth of everyone involved. You knew it would be a long time until you could fight fluidly in any Form, but you were willing to face the pain your mistakes caused in the meantime if it meant you could grow from it.


	2. Homesick: Age 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting used to life at the Jedi Temple hasn't been the easiest. It's even harder when you don't have the day's chores and trainings to distract you.
> 
> Warnings: None

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to do 12 hour updates just yet, but...the next chapter was ready to go!
> 
> Hopefully I can put a total number of chapters on this thing within the next couple days.

The stiff mattress dug into your back, pressing uncomfortably on the bumps of your spine as you stared at the ceiling. The Temple had fallen quiet hours ago, all the Jedi and their students having retired for the night. Only the occasional soft footfalls of passing guards on patrol punctuated the standard half-hours. Around you, the darkness of the night seemed to close in, forming a cocoon that was about as comforting as the inside of a sarlacc’s stomach. Silence buzzed in your ears; the still quiet of night had never bothered you before, but now it seemed deafening. Unable to find comfort enough to sleep, you sat up, resting your hands on the clean roughness of the blankets. You pulled your bantha fur blanket up towards you, running your fingers across its woven warmth to try and soothe your nerves, but it only seemed to enhance the pervading loneliness that hung in the night.

Listening, you waited by the door until the soft footsteps of a Temple Guard receded into the silence. The door slid open smoothly, scarcely making a sound, and you slunk from the room, all your senses on high alert. You reached out with the Force, sensing the surrounding halls and spaces for any indication that someone might be coming, but the only presences you revealed were those slumbering in the rooms around you. On quiet feet, you crept down the hall to the right, making for the next door. 

When you reached it, you quickly put in the code, and it slid open to admit you inside. The night was just as quiet here, but it lacked the heavy, pervasive loneliness that plagued your room. You quietly padded across the cold floor before perching on the end of the bed, pulling your feet close to yourself and pressing your back into the wall. 

“(Y/n)?” Anakin turned over, peering at you through the darkness. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Sorry, Ani,” you said quietly. “I couldn’t sleep.”

He sat up, scooting back against the other wall. All the bedrooms at the Temple were small and plain, with little more than a bed spanning from one wall to another, a small bedside table, a wardrobe, and a window. “I can’t sleep either. I can’t stop thinking about mom. Do you think she’s doing okay?”

Shmi had been in the forefront of your thoughts; your home back on Tatooine had been, too. Both seemed very far away now, and it felt strange to be living at the Temple. In some ways, you felt more like a visitor spectating the lives of Jedi, rather than a padawan training to become one. “I’m sure she’s okay. Mama Shmi probably misses us, but at least she has Threepio to keep her company and help her out with chores.”

Ani nodded, but you could see he wasn’t convinced. “When do you think we’ll get to go visit her?”

“Probably not for a long time. We’ll probably be Jedi Knights,” you said, hating how long of a time that felt like it would be. “You know Obi-Wan won’t give us permission to go visit.”

He sighed, rolling his eyes. “I know.” Both of you had become increasingly aware of exactly how dedicated Obi-Wan was to the Jedi and to the Code. He had gone easy on you in the first month of your arrival, but since then, he had encouraged your strict conformity to the code. You counted yourselves lucky that he was still not as strict as some other masters; he appreciated, respected, and fostered the close bond you and Anakin had. All of you knew that the High Council’s members saw it as a very ambitious bending of the rules, but allowed it because it offered more benefits than not. “Do you think we’ll ever actually make it to Knights?”

Your forehead wrinkled in confusion. “How do you mean?”

“Some of the things the other initiates have been saying have made me question if we’ll actually succeed,” he said. “And the Code is unfair.”

“Don’t think on what the other kids are saying for even a minute,” you said resolutely. “They’re just trying to destroy our determination to try to succeed. We can’t let them ruin our chances.” He nodded, and you thought for a minute. “As for the Code, we can find loopholes to make it feel more fair.”

“What?” Anakin sounded astonished that you’d said such a thing. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“The biggest problem we have is that the Code forbids attachments,” you pointed out. 

“I don’t see how there’s a loophole in that.”

“Well, they also say that Jedi are supposed to have great compassion, right? Compassion means you’re supposed to feel for other people. Compassion means you’re supposed to love; because if you didn’t love something, at least a little, you wouldn’t be able to feel compassion for it.”

Anakin’s face lit up like the binary sunrise. “So what you’re saying is that _ technically, _ compassion can be defined as unconditional love?”

You nodded, smiling with him. “That’s exactly what I’m saying. They can put rules on things all they want, but any rule can be bent if you redefine a gray area.”

“I like that definition.” Anakin yawned, and you involuntarily copied him. Since the pair of you had been talking, the close pressure of the still-unfamiliar place had seemed to lift away. “Do you want to stay in here for the rest of the night, (y/n)? It’s only a few hours until sunrise.”

You gave him a grateful smile, knowing the guilty tug of your homesick heart would come back if you were alone too long. “I would appreciate that a lot, Ani.” He pulled back the covers and you crawled up beside him, hunkering down between the warm sheets as he scooted down. “So, five is a few?”

He laughed. “More or less.” You curled into his side, and he turned slightly, curling around you in return. Neither of you would admit it to anyone else, but you found comfort and support in each others’ presence, a soothing familiarity in the sandstorm your lives had become, and you couldn’t care less if the older Jedi disliked your closeness. 

Some nights, it was the only way either of you could rest.


	3. Practice Duels: Age 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Anakin find yourselves having a hard time fitting in with your peers.   
There's not so much dueling in this fic as it is exploring the nuances of your learning at the temple, which fits into the Practice Duels theme.
> 
> Warnings: Bullying, hair pulling

Anakin led the way down to the dining hall. Other members of the Order milled about the long hallways of the Temple, exchanging quiet words; mission reports, meditation revelations, and other Jedi business. You wondered if they had already eaten as you passed them. Obi-Wan required you both meditate before you ate, and afterwards you were to do book work. To his irritation, the pair of you rarely reported to the Clan you were supposed to work with. It was the only time you two were involved with the other initiates, having already been chosen as Padawans, but he felt that socializing with students who had been raised in the Order would be good for you. You both silently begged to disagree, generally taking your assignments and stealing off to a quiet corner of the library to work on them together. The assignments were rarely completed well if you stayed.

The tall doors to the dining hall slid open at your approach, and the pair of you dodged out of another, older Clan's way as they exited as a cohesive group. The morning light glittered across the long tables as the pair of you entered, and the news screens mounted high on the walls babbled away in several languages. 

You dodged a refectory droid as you headed for the food, and you and Anakin put together your plates, making sure you got a little of everything that looked good. The fruit was your favorite, and took up a good portion of your plate. You were secretly glad that you weren't stuck eating in a Clan breakfast room. While you wished you could listen to a Jedi master impart their wisdom during the affair, you were glad to not deal with the other learners in such close quarters, and slid onto the table bench beside Anakin, digging into your fruit before your rear hit the seat.

"Did Obi-Wan leave the assignment?" You asked through a mouthful.

Anakin nodded, chewing his bite of hawk-bat eggs before replying. "Yeah. We're supposed to participate in the Clan research project today." The dread in his voice was palpable, and your shoulders slumped. He forked in another bite of his breakfast 

"You're kidding," you groaned, and he flashed you an apologetic look as he chewed. "Doesn't he know by now that we don't get along with the other initiates?"

Anakin shrugged, swallowing, and you took the opportunity to shove more fruit in your mouth. "I think he does, and he thinks that forcing us to socialize will help." 

You snorted through your nose. "Not likely." In a flash, you snatched up your fork and hooked a piece of egg off his plate, sticking it in your mouth before he could stop you.

He stared at you uncertainly. "You do remember you can't eat eggs, right?"

You nodded, swallowing the bite and making a face at the texture. "I can spare a bite," you argued, but he knew you didn't like eggs, down to the texture, much less the effect that too many had on your digestive system. "If nothing else, they'll let me see the healers for the stomachache and we can go together, and get away from them for a while." Smirking, you made to jab another bite off his plate, but your hand stopped cold in midair, pressure holding it in place from all sides. 

Anakin took your hand and manually turned it around, pushing it into your food, then dropped his other hand, releasing yours from his Force grip. You made a face at him. "It's not worth making yourself sick," he said, then shoveled the last bites of egg into his mouth. "If we skip out today, Obi-Wan will just send us back tomorrow."

You swallowed another bite of food, sighing heavily. "Fair enough," you ceded. "But if that's our assignment tomorrow too, I'm not sitting through it."

Anakin finished his food at the same time you did. "Deal." He wiped his mouth, and you shared a look of resigned dread as he continued. A repository droid scooped up your errant dishes, searching for things to do in the mostly empty dining hall. "Let's go, before being late makes it worse."

Both of you scampered into the Archive-adjacent learning room behind the last official Clan initiate, saving yourselves the embarrassment of stalking in late with no good excuse. Unfortunately, ‘not wanting to be here’ never counted as a proper reason, much less anything excusable. The pair of you gathered the last two datapads before you crept behind the crowd of initiates sitting cross-legged on the floor, stalking to the other side before plunking down together, a few feet away from the main congregation. You attracted a few side eyed looks from the nearest students, aloof glares that warned you not to try coming any closer. You had both stopped trying to buddy up months ago.

“Good morning,” Agen Kolar said, sweeping into the room. “As inspiring as the long speeches of my fellow Masters are to you, I am sure, I will not bore you with one today.” He began to rummage through a drawer, looking for the assignment datacards. 

You shared a look with Anakin that communicated everything the pair of you would have said otherwise. Master Kolar was an expert duelist and knew his way around fighting with the Force. Unfortunately, that didn’t translate into the classroom particularly well, and his tendency to fight first and ask questions later left him as antsy in the classroom as yourself and Anakin. You wondered if you would be like him when you grew up, Masters stuck teaching Clans of snooty or passive aggressive kids who would judge you for your late and unconventional training, handing out their assignments without some big motivational speech because you lack the patience. 

Master Kolar passed around the day’s assignment datacards briskly. “You will have until three this afternoon to complete this assignment, when it will be time for you to report to your Clan leader--or master-- to complete physical training. However, I doubt this assignment will take you that long.” He glanced to yourself and Anakin. “I expect you all to work together to some extent to bring your research together. Read the topics, fill out the information on the datacards, turn them in.” He then took a seat behind the room’s large desk, powering up a datapad of his own. The room moved, and the main congregation of the Clan swarmed together, breaking off into two or three groups among themselves. They began to gather their things, ready to take to the Jedi Archives for answers. Not one of the other initiates cast a single glance in your direction. 

“Come on,” Anakin huffed, getting to his feet and offering a hand. You took it and stood, even though you didn’t actually need any help getting up. “Let’s give it a go.”

You dropped your voice, not that Master Kolar seemed to care. “Ani, you know it’s pointless. We might as well just go to the library ourselves.”

He nodded, giving your hand a squeeze and offering a smile. “That may be, but at least that way we can tell Obi-Wan that we tried, and he can see the proof on the security holograms if he nitpicks. It’s their fault if they shun us, but it’ll be our fault if we don’t try.” You looked away, knowing he was right, and he slowly let go of your hand. The nearest pack of initiates paid no mind as he approached, with you on his heels.

“Hey. We’re supposed to work together. Do you mind if we join your group?” He asked, bowing slightly and using his politest voice. You were pretty sure he didn’t even use that tone with Obi-Wan. 

“Get lost, sand boy.” The leader of the little pack pushed through his peers, glaring at Anakin. “You think you’re so special because you’re already Padawans. You probably just want to join our group to show off.”

“That’s not true!” You shot back, stepping forward. Anakin caught your elbow. With your temperaments, you honestly weren’t sure how he always managed to be the one holding you back from getting in people’s faces, not the other way around. 

“Oh, yes it is,” the initiate snapped. “You two come here with no training, nine years too late to start, and Master Obi-Wan takes you on as Padawans without any initiate training. Without anything but a Force Sensitivity Test. _ We _ actually worked for our titles.” He practically spat the last words. “Why don’t you go find your _ Master _ to study with, since we’re clearly too stupid for you.”

“Knock it off,” Anakin said lowly, letting go of your elbow as he stepped forward. “We haven’t done anything to you. We’re supposed to be working together. That’s why we’re here.”

The initiate glared, and the other clan members crowded in close. “You’ll never be Jedi.” He lunged in a blur, and you barely had time to register what happened before his hand wrapped around your Padawan braid, yanking it hard. Anakin grabbed his wrist and you suppressed a scream, your hair pulling by the roots as the initiate tried to rip your braid from your head. You were aware of the implications of that action, but you were more concerned with the burning of your scalp where the roots tried to hold on. Even using the Force to free yourself was out of the question; using it against fellow initiates in a violent manner was one of the foremost rules of the Temple, and you were certain you'd take the fall for it, despite it being self-defense.

“What is going on over here?” Master Kolar thundered, striding up to the scene. The pack of initiates scattered, and the one holding your braid abruptly let go. Anakin, however, did not release his hand.

“We were trying to join the group,” Anakin began. “They won’t let us.”

Master Kolar looked over the other initiate, who had gone very pale and very quiet. “You two may work together, independently of the rest of the Clan,” he said, addressing you and Anakin. “As for the rest of you, do not expect to receive a winning grade, and be forewarned that Master Yoda and Master Windu will be hearing of your behavior.”

The group made to argue, but a stern look from the Zabrak Jedi sent them scurrying off to the library. Anakin released the offending initiate, and he left so quickly that he may as well have vanished on the spot. Master Kolar turned back to the pair of you, gave you a knowing smile, and with a short incline of his head, he left to make a circuit around the Archives. 

Obi-Wan found the pair of you in the library that afternoon. You had finished Master Kolar’s assignment an hour earlier than any of the Clan teams, and upon having discovered an interesting section of datacards while researching--kyber crystals and their relationship with mechanics--you had returned to the library to read up on the subject. After all, midday was time to be devoted to studies, before afternoon physical training.

“So,” he said, announcing himself. He leaned against a bookcase, propping himself up on his elbow. “I hear neither of you participated with the Clan during today’s assignment.”

You tapped the screen of the datapad to close your book and looked up, untucking one foot from beneath you on the soft chair. Anakin looked up too, but didn’t bother to close his book. “No, we didn’t, but we did finish the assignment early.”

Obi-Wan sighed, closing his eyes, and you were certain he was asking the Force for the strength not to throttle the pair of you. “You do know that the point of your involvement in Clan activities is to socialize with your peers? The knowledge you gain is valuable, but you must learn to get along with others. You will have a difficult time melding with other members of the Order as you progress if you cannot perform simple research alongside them.”

You rolled your eyes. “We tried to, Master. They wouldn’t let us join their group. You can ask Master Kolar, he saw the whole thing.”

“I never said socializing would be easy,” Obi-Wan began, but Anakin interrupted him, slamming his datapad down on the arm of the chair.

“They tried to rip off her Padawan braid, Master!” He said sternly. “They aren’t just saying mean things to us anymore!”

Obi-Wan blinked, his mouth falling open. “They _ what? _(Y/n), is this true?” 

You nodded solemnly, and Obi-wan pressed the back of his free hand to his mouth. “Very well. I will discuss this with the Council immediately. I will not stand for this behavior from any pupils, my own or otherwise. You may stay here while I speak with them, but make your way to the courtyard in an hour. This new development must not affect your training,” he hesitated, looking to you pointedly, “so long as you feel fit to perform.” 

You gave him a small smile and nodded. “I’ll be fine. My head is just sore.”

He pushed off the bookcase, looking between the pair of you. “I am glad you are alright. I will see you in an hour.”

“May the Force be with you,” you said in unison. He offered a small smile, bowing slightly as he took his leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: The initiate featured who pulled your hair fails his Jedi Trials, and is reassigned to the Jedi Corps. Karma works in mysterious ways...
> 
> (For clarification for those unaware: a contrast to the cutting of the padawan braid upon knighting, ripping off a padawan's braid is customary when one is expelled from the Order, as a sign of disgrace.)


	4. Nightmare: Age 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The events of TPM may be behind you now, but that won't stop them from haunting you.
> 
> This fic explores some of your Force abilities in greater detail and is chock full of Obi-Wan and Anakin Fluff.
> 
> Warnings: PTSD, anxiety, nightmares
> 
> This is a longer fic, probably 2-3 chapters' worth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a few! I thought this chapter was more complete than it turned out to be. Whoops.

Cold night air slapped you across the face as you jolted awake, drawing deep, ragged breaths against your raw throat. You didn’t register much in the haze of grogginess; you were painfully aware of the unbridled terror sitting deep in your chest and the vague, real-but-not scenes that still flashed across your memory. Yet, you were now aware that it had been a dream, the firm hold of reality, chilly wind and stiff mattress, trying to assure you from the periphery of your mind.

“(Y/n!)”

You blinked a few times, reality replacing your vision with the sight of the smooth, silvery walls of your bedroom, the same as the walls of the rest of the Jedi Temple. 

“(Y/n), are you okay?”

Jolting, you suddenly became aware of the fact that your shoulder was being violently shaken. You also realized that part of your fear was not actually your own. Focusing, you slowed your breaths, swallowing thickly against dry soreness. As you calmed, you relaxed, and the hand that had been shaking you succeeded in rolling your previously curled-up form onto your back. 

“I’m--I’m okay,” you finally managed. _ It wasn’t real. Not anymore. _You reminded yourself of that fact, chanting it in your head as you forced yourself to stay in the present. Now calm enough to focus, you followed the arm attached to that hand, finally settling on Anakin’s face, which was lit in silver moonlight.

“What happened? It sounded like you were being killed in here!” He looked you over, checking your face and exposed skin for injuries--not that the tunic and pants left much exposed.

You made to push yourself up, but you hadn’t realized how much anxiety was coursing through your body until your arm collapsed under you, muscles too preoccupied with shaking to function properly. 

Anakin lurched forward reflexively, ready to catch you if you fell. “Do you need to see the healers?”

“I had a nightmare,” you said, voice gravelly. You made to sit up against the wall again, with no more success than the first time. “I’ll be okay.”

The next thing you knew, your arm was tossed over Anakin’s neck, and his arms were hooked under your back and legs. You felt him draw on the Force ever so slightly, and you were lifted from the bed. “This does not look like _ just a nightmare, _ (y/n),” Anakin said sternly. “I’m taking you to the healers.” You opened your mouth to argue, but he cut you off. “Your health is too important to mess with. They’ll know what to do.”

He carried your trembling form down the hallway, walking as quickly as he could without jostling you. Silver light filtered in through the high arches of the temple, and the shadows of pillars punctuated your journey. As he came up to the first set of stairs, the echoing sound of rushing footsteps made their way towards you, causing Anakin to turn.

“Anakin, (y/n), what’s going on?” Obi-Wan quickly took stock of the situation through puffy eyes, he himself still groggy from sleep. You wondered offhandedly if a guard had gone to get him when you left the room, or if he had sensed the distress of his padawans.

“Something’s wrong with (y/n). She was screaming in her sleep and now she can’t stop shaking. She couldn’t sit up on her own. I’m taking her to the healers.” He said it with authority; he knew you would just say you were fine, and it was clear that he didn’t want Obi-Wan to stop him. 

“Is this true, (y/n)?” Obi-Wan asked calmly. 

You nodded. “I had a horrible nightmare. I told Ani I’m okay,” you explained, but the persistent shuddering of your hands was not making your case.

Obi-Wan gave you a long, considering look. “Anakin, I know you do not want to hear this, but the healers won’t be able to do anything to stop the shaking.” He gestured down the stairs, towards one of several sets of doors. “We’ll go to the Fountain Room instead.”

Anakin made to argue, but Obi-Wan was already leading the way down the stairs, calling out to the guard who stood before the doors. The Temple was available to Jedi at any hour, but they kept their posts well, just in case; padawans were the only ones with curfews, on account of the rigid training schedule. Your mentor and the guard spoke in hushed conversation as Anakin carried you down the stairs, stepping carefully as not to lose his balance. 

By the time he reached Obi-Wan, the guard had opened the doors, and the warm greenhouse air brushed across your skin refreshingly. You were carried through the mazes of pathways, following behind Obi-Wan as he led the way to a grotto. When you reached the paved clearing, Obi-Wan gave him a gesture, and Anakin set you down on the flagstones, carefully propping you up against a pillar. You took in the small sanctuary, unable to see the ceiling through the dark of night and the leaf-laden tree branches arcing high overhead.

“Deep breaths, now,” Obi-Wan instructed, squatting down in front of you. Anakin plopped down on the flagstones in front of you, silently refusing to leave your side. “I want you to close your eyes, (y/n). Close your eyes and focus on my words.”

You did so, willing to do whatever it took to get the remaining tremors to leave. While your limbs weren’t shuddering viciously now, light shaking remained. The whisper of cloth on stone told you Obi-Wan had sat all the way down. 

“I want you to focus on your senses. Don’t reach out with the Force for this exercise,” Obi-Wan said. “Tell me; what do you hear?”

You stopped and listened, breathing slowly so the sound of your nose didn’t interfere with your ears. “I hear running water from the fountains, and I can hear the fish in the pond. Their tails are splashing the surface a bit”

“Good, good. What do you smell?” 

“Plants,” you deadpanned. It was more than just ‘plants’; it was the earthen scent of the soil, the soft humidity they let off, filled with the scents of living things and chlorophyll. “I can smell the pond and fountain water, too.” 

“Can you taste anything?”

“No.” You weren’t about to tell him that you could taste how awful your nighttime morning breath was. “There’s nothing in my mouth _ to _ taste, unless spit counts.”

He chuckled at that. “And what do you feel?”

“I feel the stones under me, they’re warm, as is the air. I can feel how humid it is in here. I can feel my back on the pillar, and how scratchy my clothes are. I have a hair tickling my nose.”

The tickling suddenly vanished as Obi-Wan’s hand passed by your face, taking the offending strand with it. “I want you to take three deep breaths with me.” He drew in a deep, lung bursting breath, and you copied him, following him through the motions.

“Now open your eyes.”

The night greeted you a second time, and you were far calmer this time around, able to appreciate its tranquility without your own inner turmoil clouding it. Your eyes traveled from the deep, dark green plants, to the glowing specks of bioluminescent plants and fungi between, to the pools of water that rippled with the movements of fish or influx of a waterfall. There was very little artificial lighting; the Jedi knew that the plants needed to rest as much as you did, even if you needed their presence during the night. Your gaze finally settled on Anakin, and his shoulders slumped in relief.

You shifted to sit cross-legged, realizing that your limbs weren’t shaking anymore. “Thank you, Obi-Wan,” you said quietly. Your throat was still sore, but you knew you weren’t supposed to drink the fountain water, tempting as it was.

Obi-Wan smiled, seeming pleased with your improvement. “You are welcome, (y/n).” He stood, pulling his cloak closer around him. _ Bathrobe Man, _ you thought, remembering your original mental nickname for him. Not that he was wearing a bathrobe, or had ever worn one, but your secret nickname was one you considered affectionate, even if you were the only one to ever use it. “You two have permission to stay down here as long as you need. I will see you in the morning. Return to your quarters when you are ready; please do get some rest.” He offered a small bow, gave you a reassuring smile, and promptly strolled out of the garden.

“Was the nightmare really that bad?” Anakin finally asked, moving to sit closer. He leaned against the neighboring pillar, watching you with wide-eyed concern. 

“Yes.” You pulled at the nearest plant, tugging a leaf the size of your head into your lap. Its waxy surface glided under your fingers as you ran your hand back and forth over it, keeping you tethered to the present.

Anakin nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know where to begin,” you admitted quietly. Holding in your fear and upset over such things didn’t benefit anyone, and you knew talking about them helped them to truly pass. “There’s just so much. I don’t know if I could remember to include it all.”

Anakin scooted closer until he was sitting cross-legged in front of you. He held his hands up, palm out towards you, though you could see the faint tentativeness in the curl of his fingers. “Show me,” he said, more a question than an order.

“I don’t think it’s anything you want to see.”

In the blue glow of the luminescent plants, you saw the look he gave you. “I can handle it, (y/n). If nothing else, at least you won’t have to suffer alone.” _ But I understand if you don’t want to do this, _ was the unspoken message in his eyes, the look of reassurance.

You hesitated, but nodded. “Okay.” The leaf you had been holding pulled itself back up into place with a soft rustle as you let it go. Scooting closer, you slid your fingers into the spaces between his. Your fingers closed around each others’ hands simultaneously as you shut your eyes. 

Anakin reached out with the Force, then, and you could sense him waiting for your move. While you hadn’t blocked your link entirely, you had carefully walled off those dreams and memories. You dropped those barriers now, reaching out to meet his presence, and the Force flowed through you both, meeting and exchanging where your hands met, its journey narrated by the soft pattering of the fountains and waterfalls. Reality fell away, the soft burbling of fountains taking a back seat as your nightmare came forward, darkening your mind’s eye. In the back of your mind, you felt your stomach muscles clench in terrified anticipation, and Anakin’s grip softly tighten to remind you that everything was okay. That he was there. That you weren't alone.

_ A shower of sparks, the doors hissed open. Humming lightsabers came closer, but you were running, always running. Running because you would get hurt, you would become a target, you would be sent back to Tatooine for not staying put and hiding like you were told. _

You were watching your dream--the memory of your dream--unfold objectively, but that didn’t stop your heart from jumping into your throat. It didn’t stop you from experiencing the echoes of your emotions.

_ The plasma generators were most certainly going to slice you in half if you weren’t careful. Their static humming and hot aura reinforced that threat with every second you were forced to wait. Every second relying on one seemingly flimsy danger to defend you from something worse. _

You felt Anakin reach out through the Force, sensing your distress, trying to comfort you, not quite understanding what he was seeing but trying to support you nonetheless.

_ Green and red lightsabers sliced the air mercilessly, each hit a wish for the death of the other. The Sith’s fury, Qui-Gon’s intense, but level focus replicated perfectly on their faces. A blue glow rested in your periphery, too, hidden behind a screen of red. _

Anakn’s presence shied away for only a second, suddenly realizing exactly what he was seeing, what you’d been having nightmares about since you’d become a padawan. Occasionally you experienced shared dreams, but this...you had refused to let your trauma haunt him, shutting down that part of your link the second your dreams turned dark.

_ The red saber punched through the clean white of Qui-Gon’s tunic, and those wisdom-filled eyes met yours.Time froze for only a second, but when the saber pulled away and he fell, devastation and fury boiled over you, bubbling up inside like a container of hot oil. Rationality went out the window, the lightsaber in your hand before you could convince yourself otherwise. _

Anakin balked for you. You knew he was watching in stunned horror, the same way one would watch an extremely destructive pod crash. He was desperately hoping you weren’t about to do something stupid.

_ The Sith turned, his look of shock still wholly uncharacteristic; the uncertainty of how to react to a small, very angry, very vengeful child running him down with an adult-sized lightsaber. There was no other thought, no other course of action in your mind other than seeing him dead, not even the rational argument that you had no idea how to fight. You didn’t care. You took vicious hits at the Sith, the saber leading every movement, channeling your intent, fighting with resolve even when the red saber slashed open your arm. _

Anakin finally knew why you had caught onto Form IV so easily, when he had as hard of a time as any other student would. Yoda thought you were talented, Mace thought it was a sign you could prove a future risk. Obi-Wan had kept your involvement in the Sith fight quiet, not to disparage you, but because he feared the truth would encourage them to think you impulsive and too dangerous to train further. He knew why you had caught onto Form IV, and now Anakin did too. He also now knew your scar was not from a stray blaster bolt, as everyone had been led to believe.

_ The barrier dropped, and Obi-Wan rushed forward to defend you and your injured arm. _

This was where the dream took a hard right from reality. Bile climbed into your throat. Part of you knew your face was soaked--or if it wasn’t, it would be soon.

_ The fight proceeded, you and Obi-Wan facing down the Sith together. _

_ Then the red saber cut Obi-Wan through the middle, dropping him into two halves in front of you, just as he had done to the Sith in reality. His saber flew into the melting pit with the lifting action of the Sith’s foot. _

Watching your dream objectively was just slightly kinder than experiencing it in the moment, you decided. At least you weren’t bound to experience it by sleep this time.

_ The Sith thought all this was very funny, laughing as you desperately tried to avenge their deaths. You were hurt about Qui-Gon, sure, but Obi-Wan? _

_ He died protecting you. Died because you ruined his focus. _

_ Knowing you were responsible, you were determined to do everything you could to avenge him. _

_ Would it bring him back? No. It wouldn’t bring Qui-Gon back either. _

_ It didn’t stop you from attacking the Sith like a furious hawk-bat. _

You felt Anakin shy away again, this time overwhelmed by the pummeling nature of your dream’s self-deprecating nature. He could feel the emotions of that moment as well as you, now knowing exactly how devastated and upset you were. His presence came back, determined to see the dream’s memory through, determined to support you.

_ Around the melting pit you went, fending off the Sith, burning through every reserve of despair in your body. Another nick of the lightsaber, this time on your wrist. _

_ The green saber fell into the melting pit to join that of its owner’s master. _

_ And no matter how angry you were, how hurt, you were now unarmed, alone with only your emotions roiling inside you. _

_ They still couldn’t defend you from the red lightsaber that seared through your heart. _

The dream ended, and you came back to reality, jolting as if having dropped face first onto hard ground. Your hands were clenched around Anakin’s, your nails digging half-moons into the back of his hand. Tears spilled down your face, but you weren’t sobbing--you were partially too exhausted to put in the effort, partially too removed from the memory to bring yourself to. Anakin’s face had gone ghostly in the blue luminescent light, and his eyes searched your face, looking you over and begging you to be okay.

“How much of that actually happened?” he asked quietly, rubbing the sides of your thumbs with his own comfortingly. You knew that the false death of yourself and Obi-Wan didn’t exactly reinforce the truth of the rest, but that was how the dream had gone. You were incapable of showing anything but true, unaltered memory this way, only able to omit small things if you truly focused. Of course, dreams--and memories thereof--never felt the need to adhere to the truth of their ingredients.

“Everything up to Obi-Wan dying.” Your voice shook despite your best efforts to control it, and your belly still burned with remnant anxiety. At least you had loosened your death grip on his hands. “I can show you, if you want.” 

“Only if you think you can handle it. Are you okay?” You wanted to ask him the same. He looked positively horrified at the things your mind conjured from your memory while you slept.

You nodded. “I can, and I will be.” 

You closed your eyes again, routing your link instead to the original memory. It picked up where the truth in the dream had left off, showcasing everything from Obi-Wan almost falling--at which Anakin had his own spike of fear run through your bond, knowing this actually happened--to Obi-Wan defeating the Sith. You let the memory go longer than you would have preferred, letting Anakin finally partake in Qui-Gon’s last moments. Letting him hear for himself that the Jedi master had begged Obi-Wan to train the both of you. The memory faded from viewing as you and Obi-Wan burst into tears, and you brought the exchange back to the present.

More tears had escaped, but they fell softly, a gentle aftershower compared to the downpour of before. This time, Anakin let go of your hands, lurching forward to wrap you in a tight hug. You gratefully hugged him back, pulling his comforting presence close. 

“I am so, so sorry,” he murmured into your shoulder. “I should have been there. I should have helped.”

“You did help! If you hadn’t blown up that ship, the Trade Federation would have won. You did more with that than you would have if you had been with me. Don’t be sorry.”

“If I had been there, you wouldn’t have had to go through that alone. I know Obi-Wan was there, but…” It was an open-ended but, and both of you knew what the end of that sentence was. _ But he wasn’t very close to us then. _In truth, Qui-Gon’s death had been a bonding point between you and Obi-Wan. It was for that reason that you were closer to him than Anakin was, but you weren’t going to tell Anakin that. He got jealous enough thinking Obi-Wan was playing favorites.

“What’s done is done, Ani. I just have to try to move on.” You had, in your waking hours. You could talk to Obi-Wan about Qui-Gon without bursting into tears, and you could hear other Jedi and padawans ignite their lightsabers to spar without flinching. The midnight resurgences were what you were having trouble with, though letting Anakin in on your nightmares seemed to have taken a great weight off your shoulders, knowing you didn’t have to go through them alone anymore.

“If you ever have any dreams like that again,” Ani said, pulling back to look you in the eye. “Any nightmares, please tell me. Please let me in. I don’t ever want you to feel like you have to go through them alone. I'll be there for you. Always.”

You managed a smile, and he wiped away your tear tracks with the edge of his tunic sleeve. "Please come to me if you ever have the same," you assured him. "Don't try to take on both our pain by yourself."

"I promise."


	5. The Gathering: Age 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Crystal Caves of Ilum have been the revered site of The Gathering for millennia. They hold crystals, winding pathways, nightmares and lessons. What will they show you?  
In which you and Anakin participate in your Gathering in a quest to find your Kyber crystals.
> 
> Warnings: Graphic Anxiety, probably some ptsd, mental torment. This is a particularly dark chapter in terms of possible triggers, even though the situations are overcome and refuted. Please be forewarned; this is probably the darkest chapter in this work.
> 
> In other words, the caves are salty and like to throw past trauma and present fear in your face. 
> 
> This is also a longer one-shot, probably two chapters' worth, if not three.

_The Crucible_ shuddered as it touched down on the snow frosted surface of Ilum, battered by the harsh winds that cut across the flat plain. Looking out the window, all you could see was an expanse of white and jagged rock, and even that was difficult to pick out through the shifting pale screen of blowing snow.

"We aren't going out in this weather, are we?" You asked, glancing up at Obi-Wan. He stared out the window as well, eyes scanning. He had gone over the mission, and given you and Anakin the customary speeches on the significance and weight of the rite before you ever reached the planet.

"Yes, we must. This will not be an easy mission, (y/n)," he said, breaking away to look down at you. "Part of the challenge is getting there. Now, please stop fidgeting with your braid."

Your hand dropped from where you had been tracing the plaits of your Padawan braid with your fingertips. "Sorry."

A familiar shambling sound drew closer, coming around the corner to reveal Yoda. "Leave now, we must. Need as much time as possible, we do. Rise soon, the sun will." 

Obi-Wan nodded. "(Y/n), go get Anakin. It's time to head out."

Despite your efforts to pull your fur-edged cloak close, the wind plunged beneath and tore at your skin through your tunic with icy determination the minute you stepped outside. Your teeth rattled in your ears against your will by the time the ship's ramp closed. Yoda and Obi-Wan led the way, while you and Anakin trailed just behind, squinting against the onslaught of icy pain.

"How are you liking the snow?" Obi-Wan called back. You weren't sure if he was making conversation, or trying to make sure the pair of you were still alive.

"I think I'd rather go out in a sandstorm," you yelled back.

"Are you kidding? Snow may be cold, but sand is still worse," Anakin cut in. "At least snow doesn't tear off your flesh."

"You're right," you shot back lightheartedly, bumping him with your shoulder. "We'll freeze to death before someone else in our group has to tear it off to survive!"

"Think of it this way." Obi-Wan paused, turning to look at you. "If we must resort to cannibalism, losing your flesh will become an act of selflessness, and your last act would be one of self-sacrifice to save others." He flashed you both a grin, then kept walking, following after Yoda's relentless shamble.

"Leave it to him to put Jedi values and optimism into a conversation about cannibalism," you muttered, and Anakin snickered.

Your feet were numb by the time you saw the tall temple spire looming through the blizzard, and your spirits fell when you saw that the entrance had been reduced down to a tiny glimpse of door beneath the pile of frozen rubble.

"Your first mission is to clear the ice," Obi-Wan called over the storm. You shared a look with Anakin. You had recently become aware of the fact that you had to actually look up at him slightly to do so. He had gleefully pointed out that he now needed to look down. You sighed, your breath puffing out like engine exhaust caught in the wind, and the pair of you stepped forward. The pair of you cleared smaller pieces of ice, and carried off larger bits, until all that was left was a solid sheet covering the door. Floating the ice out of the way was tempting, but Obi-Wan had warned you about using the Force too much before you got inside the Temple. 

"Use the Force you must, now." Yoda instructed, keeping both hands folded on top of his cane. 

You reached out your hand and found Anakin's searching for yours, and you wove your fingers into his grip. He offered a light squeeze as you took in a meditatively deep breath. You heard him do the same, and you both lifted your free hands, holding your palms flat out toward the door. The roaring of wind in your ears drowned out any other noise as your eyes slid closed in concentration, as you let it become the sound of your mind, washing away your other thoughts in a rush of snow. That sound even faded as you cleared your mind, panning to the edges of your conscience as background noise. You then pictured the sheet of ice, spanning wide and thick across the door, a shade of deep, clear cold blue reflecting beneath the frost of snow. Then you saw cracks run through it, splintering the flawless snow glass, cracking it through to the heavy doors, chunks falling away as the ice broke apart. You drew up the energy of the Force, soft and flowing as it pooled in your chest, your bones, your mind; and you exhaled as you pushed it outward, towards the scene in your mind's eye. You could feel Anakin do the same, the Force's peaceful energy washing through the both of you, through your clasped hands, and down your outstretched arms.

Your eyes shot open as a resounding, deep, icy snap broke the steadiness of the wind's noise. You blinked against the snow, and through your lashes you saw chunks of ice collapsing away from the door in a shimmering waterfall. Some of the chunk shapes you recognized from your own visualisation, but others you knew must have been from Anakin, or from the impact. They clattered across the stony ground, skidding to a stop at your feet. Where the ice had been, a set of ornate doors rose tall before you. You and Anakin let go of each others' hands, looking to the older Jedi for further instruction.

"Very good," Yoda praised. "Working together, the key to entering the temple is." He shuffled towards the doors and pressed his three-fingered hand solidly against the material--you couldn't tell if it was metal or wood--and gave a firm push. It swung open before the three of you, and the ancient Jedi master gestured for you to follow him inside.

The door swung shut with a thump that resounded in the dark. You stepped back, pressing your back against it as your eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, making out the two massive Jedi statues that guarded the main sanctum. With almost no light to speak of, they looked like terrifying, lightsaber-wielding omens of death. Anakin's hand found yours again; you knew he couldn't see in this low of lighting, and you decided that it spared him that image, if only for a little while.

Yoda's gravelly voice echoed in an almost ominous fashion. "Wait, we must. Melt the ice when it rises, the sun will."

"I thought the whole point of Gatherings was for multiple Padawans or initiates to find their kyber crystals?" Anakin asked. "Aren't we, I don't know, a whole group short?" 

"One of the initiate clans was supposed to meet us," Obi-Wan said. "The master who was supposed to bring them was called away on a mission just before they were supposed to leave. They will be coming next month. For now, it will just be the four of us here, and you two retrieving your crystals."

"How will we know which crystal is ours? I know you said the Force would guide us, but it sounds like there are a lot of crystals in there," you pointed out. Before you had left, some of the older Padawans had tried to scare you and Anakin out of going by recounting their heavily embellished experiences. "How will we know for sure which one is ours?"

"You will only be capable of seeing your crystal until you find it," he assured you. "It's a sort of mind trick the Force plays. If you think you see any others before you find your crystal, they're almost surely ice." He thought for a moment, backtracking. "Though, I have heard a few accounts in which all the crystals were visible from the get-go, and the Jedi had to find theirs among them. I suppose that was just part of their test."

The sanctum was suddenly awash with colored light, and you squinted against it. The pale sun had begun to shine through the windows, washing their elaborate designs in blazing colors through the outer layer of ice. You looked around curiously, getting a good look at the temple now that you could really see. The massive Jedi were no less intimidating when properly lit. In truth, there wasn't much to see in the sanctum, but you let out a soft gasp as your gaze trailed up the walls to a massive crystal suspended from the domed ceiling. As the sun began to really come in the windows, it caught the crystal in a glimmer of light, sending a concentrated beam directly down onto the base of a ceiling-high ice waterfall.

Obi-Wan turned to you both, resting a hand on each of your shoulders. "What you will face in the Crystal Caves varies from person to person, but the experience will either teach you a lesson, or highlight a lesson to be learned. It might be as simple as surmounting a physical obstacle, or as terrible as facing your worst nightmares." He gave both of you a serious look. "The Caves are unpredictable at best, and deadly at worst. Be very careful." 

Yoda nodded slowly, eyes closed. "One hour to complete your task, you have. Close with ice at sunset, the entrance will, and will not melt for seventeen days. Hurry, you must."

The ice fell away from the cavern entrance with an echoing crumble, leaving an exposed hole with fanglike icicles hanging above. Obi-Wan pressed you both, prompting you to turn, and gave a gentle push, encouraging you to go. "May the Force be with you," he said, and gave you an encouraging nod. You could see past his optimistic smile. He was scared for you both. You flashed him a confident smile and a thumbs up. He didn't seem convinced, but his smile widened anyway.

You and Anakin hesitated in the entrance. The dark caverns were rough and unfinished, only the floor worn smooth where generations of Jedi had walked before. They wound and stretched as far as you could see. You took a deep breath and walked right into the dark, Anakin at your side.

You wandered through the halls for a long time, trying to focus on where your instinct told you to go. The sound of your and Anakin's clothes rustling echoed off the walls in ghostly whispers. 

"Where do you think they are?" You whispered. It seemed almost wrong to speak aloud, as if you didn't want to hear what other sounds would come back with the echo. 

"I don't know. We'll find them." He caught the nervous gleam in your eyes. "You know those stories about monsters in the deepest caverns weren't true, right?"

You playfully elbowed him in the ribs. "Of course I know that. I'm just hoping we get the small physical challenge lesson end of the test, and not the horrible experience kind."

"We'll find out pretty soon," he said quietly. As the pair of you came around the corner, you saw that the hall split off into two paths. The left angled up steeply, vanishing into the dark rocks. The latter seemed to plummet into the bowels of the planet. "I think I'm supposed to go left."

You set your jaw at the unwelcome realization that your every instinct was telling you to take the latter like a slide, despite every other fiber of your being wanting to scale the other hall. "Trade you," you said, heading to the mouth of the rightmost, plummeting tunnel. He laughed quietly. You gave him a small two-finger salute. "See you outside."

"Don't get lost," he retorted, returning your salute as he began to scale his path. You pulled in a deep breath, stepped up to the mouth of the tunnel, and sat down. It curved and twisted below your feet, a smooth shot down. You pushed off, and the cold, damp winds of the tunnel blew your hair back as you slithered down the path, cavern walls flashing by in the sides of your vision.

The makeshift slide spit you out on a level surface. The tunnels seemed even darker here, a pitch void ready to swallow you whole. You swallowed a lump in your throat, scrambling to your feet. You could barely make out the outline of the rough rock that seemed to swallow all light, but you proceeded, wandering through the seemingly endless halls. You were duly surprised when you rounded a corner to find Obi-Wan sprawled out across the path, his back to you.

"Master?" You asked, creeping forward. Obi-Wan didn't move. You crossed to him, putting a hand on his cold shoulder, and rolled him over. You reeled back as his body slumped with the movement, revealing his blank, staring eyes, the scorched hole through his chest, and the severed lightsaber that had rolled away to where the floor met the walls. You clasped your hands over your mouth, tears flooding your eyes and tracing lines of wet down your face against your fervent efforts to contain them. He looked like Qui-Gon had. Still. Limp. Dead. You reminded yourself that crying wasn't going to do any good and swept your sleeves across your eyes, forcing yourself to remain composed as you moved forward to start pulling his body back to the surface. You blinked, and he was gone without any sign he had ever been in the dark hall.

You realized with mounting horror that this was what Obi-Wan had warned you about, and that this was only your first test. You hadn't stopped to wonder why he had been down here with you; all you knew was that you needed to handle the present, fully expecting to fall apart in private when it was more appropriate. As you hesitantly continued past, skirting where Obi-Wan's image had been, you hoped Anakin had gotten the easy route. You vaguely wondered if you had passed the test.

A red glow shone around the next corner, and a sinking feeling crash landed in the pit of your stomach in recognition of that shade. You braced yourself, preparing for a fight, and came around the corner. A hooded figure lurked in your path, lightsaber drawn and ready. The cloak fell off to reveal a Sith, _ the _ Sith, red skin and black tattoos awash in the saber's glow. You were ready this time. 

"You're dead," you breathed, walking forward calmly. "You're dead, and you can't hurt me." 

He said nothing, swinging his saber overhead. The humming sounded wholly real, and far too close for comfort. Then, Dead Obi-Wan's shoulder had felt real, muscle and bone. You rushed forward, dodging the red blade. The last time this Sith had caught you with a saber, you wound up with a scar on your arm. You drove your hands into his stomach, focusing all your energy there, and pushed. His eyes went wide as he flew back, bouncing across the floor. As he tumbled, he split in half, and each side rolled up to the edge of a deep pit, balancing on the edge before tipping over and falling. The abandoned saber vanished before you could look back at it, its light fading just as quickly. You slowly wandered up to the edge of the pit, looking down into its depths. It was so deep and dark that you could almost believe that some sort of creature lived down there. A shudder rattled through you as you crossed the small land bridge over the gap.

When you reached the other side, another shiver took you. The cold seemed deeper here, darker. It was the damp cold of a place that had never known warmth or sunlight, and probably never would. You shivered, drawing the cloak close around you as you reached out with your senses, trying to find your crystal. All you could feel or sense was the cold, and reaching out made it worse. The cold seemed to seep into your bones, into your heart. Then the sense of being wholly, utterly alone hit you. You knew you had come down here alone, and you had been fine. This was different. This was the sense that nobody would be waiting for you when you came back up. That nobody would ever be waiting for you again, because there would be nobody left to wait for you. You choked on a sob as terror took you, and your breath came fast as the burning anxiety welled into your lungs. The dark seemed to close around you as you sank to your knees, hand scraping down the hard coldness of the wall, wanting to scream for someone--Anakin, Obi-Wan, even Yoda at this point-- but not finding the strength to. Tears poured down your face, dripping onto your tunic. 

You had no idea how long you sat at the base of the wall, curled in on yourself to find some semblance of warmth and comfort through the terror, but your tears eventually ran dry as you began to dehydrate. Through your shaky breaths, you remembered Obi-Wan's warning, and some part of you realized that this was just another test. You pushed yourself up on the wall, bracing there as you forced yourself to catch your breath, taking each inhale and exhale slowly. The fear in your chest, the deep feeling of aloneness, did not fade, but you pulled yourself together, putting on a brave face.

"Sometimes you just need to cry for a while before you make decisions or act rashly," you sniffled, telling the darkness as much as yourself. Your voice was pitifully small, and echoed back through the tunnel. Part of you knew you were talking to the Force itself, telling it you weren't scared of whatever it had to throw at you, and that you weren't weak for having fears. It seemed to take the hint. The cold in the tunnel remained, but as the burning ice that had formed on your heart and in your lungs began to recede, you found you could breathe normally again. You tipped up your chin and marched right into the darkness, plunging on in spite of the fear. You tried not to think about your time limit.

You wound down several more downward passages, following your first instinctive choices. The floor became rougher, bumpier, and you knew not many had been down this far. Even the vague outlines of rock were precious to see at this point. You froze as a sound came from ahead--or was it behind? You couldn't tell anymore. The echo in the tunnel amplified everything, making the smallest noise come from every direction. The sound was like a whisper, as if a draft had slipped through a crack in a window. You kept walking, telling yourself it was probably a breeze from some sort of vent to outside, but you shuddered as it came again.

_ You'll never be a Jedi. _

This time you stopped in your tracks, feeling your stomach drop. It was Obi-Wan's voice, but at the same time it wasn't, more of a hollow, whispering approximation of his voice.

"That's not true," you said bluntly, continuing forward. 

_ But it is. Everyone at the Temple, in the academy, despises you. _

You swallowed hard. "The other Padawans might not care for Anakin and I," you replied, trying to remain calm. "But he and I have each other and Obi-Wan, and the other Masters like us well enough."

_ I only took you on because Qui-Gon begged me. The other Masters hate you. Don't you see how they look at you? They will never trust you enough to knight you. _

Anger and fear bubbled up in your chest, and you struggled to keep your voice steady. "That isn't true," you said insistently, but deep down, you had thought and seen the same things yourself. You tripped over a particularly rough patch of rock, nearly careening forward. You desperately hoped that there were no sudden dropping pits in your path. "I'm going to become a Jedi, even if they don't like me."

The voice snickered. _ If they do not like you, they will not knight you. You will be sent home. _ The voice seemed to come closer, it's whispering hollow tones just inches from your ear. _ Forever a slave. _

"Stop it," you snapped, and you could almost feel whatever presence had been speaking take a step back. A few stray tears of frustration dripped from your eyes. "Master Obi-Wan will train Anakin and I to be Jedi, and the Council _ will _ knight us," you said defiantly, though your voice was breaking with your emotions. "If there was no hope, Master Yoda would not have let us come for our crystals. When we return to Tatooine, it will be as Jedi, and Mama Shmi will be proud of us." The whispering aura of the voice faded, then vanished, and you waited a moment in case it decided to retaliate. It never did, and you plunged on, letting your instincts tell you where to put your feet.

Your stomach set to fluttering as you crept through the last, rockiest passage, telling you you were close to your crystal. You squinted through the dark as you rounded the final corner. You could make out that this was a cavern, not a passageway, rough and unhewn, as if nobody had ever been in it; or if they had, it was a precious few, and they left nothing changed. In the middle, you could just barely make out a shape on the floor, and you recognized it with sudden horror.

"Anakin?" You asked, but your word echoed around the cave, answering itself with its own question, mocking you with the break in your voice. He didn't move. You told yourself this was just another trick of the Force, that he wasn't really here; but then, unlike Obi-Wan, he had come down to the caves with you. You moved forward and put a hand on his shoulder, and you could feel the soft cloth of his tunic, and the flesh and bone beneath. Bracing yourself, you gave his shoulder a soft tug, rolling him onto his back. You were close enough now to make out his features. His eyes stared blankly at the ceiling, and his Padawan braid splayed across the floor as limply as his body. You felt yourself scream, but you couldn't quite hear the original over it's deafening echo, a reverberating 'no' that drifted into silence as your knees hit the bumpy, ridged floor. Tears you didn't know you had poured down your cheeks as the walls sobbed with you, and a dull ache took up residence in your chest. You didn't know if it was heartbreak, or the cold air shredding apart your lungs with each gasping breath. You shakily reached for his hand, wondering how he ended up like this, if he tripped on the floor and hit his head wrong, or perhaps the cold got to him. His skin was as cold as the Jedi temple floor, but you wove your fingers into his, trying to ignore the stiffness that had taken hold in them. 

You felt a rock in his hand then, smooth and warm, and you carefully curled your fingers around it, pulling it free. You blinked tears out of your eyes, wiping them clear to look at the crystal. It was clear and bright, a pale clear gem that seemed to glow softly. It was mostly smooth, but had it's sharp edges. The glowing aura it emitted seemed to swirl within it. As you watched, the crystal flooded with color, turning a bright, brilliant amethyst.

The illusion broke, and you were severely disoriented. The room seemed to explode in color and light, and you were suddenly aware of the hundreds and thousands of crystals that lined the walls, growing individually and in clusters, all of them clear, but seeming to exude a constant, peaceful white light. They even grew in the ridges of the floor. You looked around in broken wonder, following the crystal lined walls down to the floor, where Anakin had been. He had vanished, and in his place was a vaguely human-shaped, hollow rock covered in crystals. A small hole was left in what you had thought was a hand, where your crystal had been waiting for you. The entire cavern seemed to hum softly, giving off a sort of music you couldn't put words or a tune to, and the tension in your chest released, peace and comfort flooding in at the realization that it had not only been a test, but that you had passed them all.

"You have done very well."

You shot to your feet, the familiarity of that voice cutting your heart. Qui-Gon stood there, looking just as he had before he died, but a strange pale aura surrounded him, and you could see the crystal formations through his form. 

"Qui-Gon?" You said softly, your voice breaking in your throat, raw and sore from screaming and sobbing. He inclined his head gently, familiar wise peace in his eyes. "How are you here?"

He crossed to you, looking down at the crystal clutched in your hand. "An amethyst kyber. That is very rare," he commented. His eyes met yours. "This place is unusually strong in the Force, a vergence. You are unusually strong in the Force as well, and you are especially gifted with perceiving the Cosmic Force. Even Obi-Wan could not perceive me here," he explained.

"You aren't just another test?" You said quietly. 

"No." He shook his head gently. "The time for tests has passed, and you have harvested your crystal." He looked towards the corridor you had come through. "It is now time for you to leave. Come. I will show you." Qui-Gon strode past, seeming to drift despite looking as if he were walking. You followed after him.

You hadn't realized how deep you had wandered into the Crystal Caves, and you were astounded by the number of crystals you'd managed to avoid impaling yourself on. The Force had tested you to your limits, the exhaustion that was settling over you confirming that fact; but it had made sure you didn't die trying to complete those tests, so that was something. Qui-Gon's Force Ghost led you the way you had come, through tunnels filled with light and glimmering crystal that sang and seemed to soothe the aftershocks of your tests. The ground eventually became smoother and more even, and you realized that you were coming back into the more-traversed areas of the caves. 

"I am proud of you," Qui-Gon said, gliding along as you trotted at his side. "I am proud of both you and Anakin. You are progressing as well in your training as I had hoped, and have caught up to your peers well. I am proud of Obi-Wan, too. He undertook a great task."

You smiled up at him, now less concerned with watching your path. The crystals seemed to leave a path through the halls here out of courtesy. Their song had soothed your nerves and calmed you, but you couldn't get the images of Obi-Wan and Anakin's lifeless forms out of your head. "We're trying our best," you said softly. You hesitated, but pressed on with your question. "Will I ever see you again, after this?"

Qui-Gon looked down at you, offering a smile. "Likely not, but the Force works in mysterious ways. Perhaps you will." You nodded, then stopped in your tracks, realizing that he had brought you to where the paths you and Anakin had taken converged. "You have a long future ahead of you, (y/n), and much to learn. Here is where I leave you. Go; they are waiting for you."

You took a few steps forward, then stopped, giving him a sad smile. "Goodbye, Master Qui-Gon."

He inclined his head deeply. "May the Force be with you." He faded before your eyes, vanishing.

You drew yourself up, closing your hand tighter around your crystal, and kept walking, heading through the last few remaining tunnels. Your spirits weren't even dampened when you came down the hallway to see that the entrance had frozen over. You closed your eyes, going through the motions as you directed the Force, and the ice fell away the way it had at the temple door.

"(Y/n)!" Anakin yelled, and you opened your eyes, running forward to meet him. You crashed into him at full speed, flinging your arms around his neck as you held onto him, feeling the warmth of his neck on your cheek, very much alive. He held you tightly against him, arms crushing your rib cage.

"We were beginning to worry about you," Obi-Wan said. You could practically read the relief in his expression. "You were in there for two hours. Anakin came back before the first was up. What happened?"

Yoda gave a long thoughtful hum as he considered you. The only thing different about his position from when you left was that he was now sitting. "Learned much, she has. Faced much, she has. Time, she will need." You gripped Anakin tighter, Yoda's words bringing you a relief you didn't know you needed. Obi-Wan nodded in understanding, casting a sympathetic look your direction as his eyes cataloged your puffy eyes and scrapes.

"If you two are quite finished, we should probably get back to the ship before the doors freeze shut," Obi-Wan said, trying to stay lighthearted. Anakin braced his hands on your waist, gently peeling you off his front with a reassuring smile. You didn't want to let go, but you did, resisting the urge to hug Obi-Wan out of sheer relief that he was alive. "You can reveal your crystal colors when we get back to the ship."

You looked to Anakin in surprise. "You didn't show them?"

Anakin shook his head. "I was waiting for you."

"We had to keep him from running back to look for you," Obi-Wan said, pressing open the door and holding it for Yoda. Anakin gave you a sheepish smile. "He said he sensed you were distressed not too long ago, but Yoda assured him it was a test." Obi-Wan leveled a concerned look at you. "Are you okay?"

You nodded, hesitating, but met his gaze. "I saw Qui-Gon," you said quietly. "He's proud of us. All of us." Obi-Wan looked as if you had just smacked him, and you heard his throat choke up as he closed his mouth. "It was after I found my crystal," you assured him, and you thought you saw his heart crack. You walked past him and into the frigid gale quietly, following Yoda back to the ship with Anakin at your side.

"Interesting, interesting," Yoda commented, looking at you thoughtfully. "Unlikely, it is, to truly be Master Qui-Gon. One with the Force, he became. A presence afterward, we do not have. An illusion, perhaps; but, needed it, you did." You got the sense that Yoda knew more about your tests than he let on; you were also certain that Qui-Gon was not an illusion. He had assured you so himself, and besides- tests and illusions were supposed to happen before you got your crystal. You held onto the hope that you had truly seen Qui-Gon, though Obi-Wan seemed somewhat comforted at the idea that he hadn't missed a visit from his Master, whether he could have perceived him or not. The door to the Temple shut with a quiet thud, leaving the room bathed in darkness as your group braved the blizzard again.

Obi-Wan guided the ship off the bleak planet, Yoda at his side. You and Anakin retreated to the small main area, curling up on the couches. You tugged your bantha fur blanket over yourself. You had brought it the moment Obi-Wan said that you were going on a mission somewhere cold, and now it comforted you as you stared blankly at the table. Your crystal was still clutched tightly in your hand. You hadn't let it go since you picked it up.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Anakin asked. His gawky pre-teen face was lined in concern. Sometimes it stunned you how fast the Jedi training and onset of puberty had begun to slim off his baby face. You nodded, slowly bringing your eyes up to his. He wasn't convinced. "Talk to me, (y/n). Please."

You swallowed the tears that tried to well across your eyes. They were okay. You kept telling yourself that, but your mind was still in the Caves. "It showed me my worst fears," you said quietly. Anakin leaned forward, trying to hear you better. "There were small things. It used Obi-Wan's voice to try to tell me we'd never succeed. The Sith that killed Qui-Gon was there."

He saw your hesitation as you sighed, forcing yourself to keep your composure, and reached out a hand. You took it, winding your fingers with his. It was warm and soft, somewhat callused from afternoon training sessions. Obi-Wan had wanted to make absolutely certain that you two could handle a wooden lightsaber before you were granted a training saber, though you had never gotten one before your Gathering. You gave Anakin's hand a squeeze as you pushed past the hesitation. "You were there, and Obi-Wan. You," your throat tried to close in a choke, "you were both dead."

Anakin's eyes went wide. "We're here, (y/n). We're both alive, we're just fine."

You nodded slowly. "I know that. But it was so real," you breathed, your voice almost a whisper. Anakin moved to sit closer, and you leaned into him. 

He shifted, sliding your head onto his chest. "You hear that?" He asked. His voice sounded strange, coming from his mouth and chest at the same time. You did hear it, the steady thudding of his heart beneath his ribs. "I'm alive, (y/n). Alive and real. Obi-Wan is too." He gave your hand a squeeze. "Don't ever be afraid of losing me. I'll always be here."

You sighed again, but this time it was another wave of relief. Each beat of his heart chased away the cold, stiff remnants of your waking nightmare, and you smiled faintly. You tilted you head up to look at him. "Don't make promises you can't promise to keep," you said softly, but his reassuring smile lifted your spirits. "But thank you. I do feel better now."

The sound of footsteps approaching broke the moment, and the pair of you sprang apart as if you had been caught doing something else entirely. You and Anakin shared a smile. Obi-Wan and Yoda came around the corner a moment later, looking between the pair of you.

"Time to reveal your crystals, it is," Yoda said. His eyes sparkled with interest, and you could swear this was the most excited to be involved with you or Anakin you had ever seen him. You scooted to the edge of your seat, and Anakin pulled his out of his belt pouch, careful to conceal the shade until the last second. "Young Skywalker, go first you may."

Anakin held out his hand, low enough for Yoda to see, and opened it in a glow of brilliant pale blue. You stared into its depths, mesmerized. Obi-Wan and Yoda both seemed pleased, particularly Yoda.

"Now you, young (l/n)." 

You looked at Yoda, then to Obi-Wan, hesitating. Obi-Wan nodded, and you took a deep breath, extending your hand beside Anakin's. You opened your hand, releasing the grip you'd held relentlessly since you'd left the Caves. Your crystal sat warmly in your hand, humming to you softly, burning with a bright violet light. Obi-Wan and Anakin both gasped quietly, and the latter shot you a bright, beaming grin. 

Yoda's eyes brightened. "Amethyst kyber. Very rare, it is. Interested, Master Windu will be. In very deep caves, those reside. Many tests one must conquer." He shuffled off, and you guessed he was either going to meditate, or send a hologram to Mace Windu, the only resident Jedi with a violet saber.

"You both have done very well," Obi-Wan praised. He flashed you a concerned look. You gave him one back that said you were fine. His silent retort of doubt was answered by a second of your motion from Anakin. "Get some rest. You may begin building your lightsabers when we return to the Temple." He wandered to the head of the ship, presumably going to adjust the flight. 

You snuggled back into Anakin's side, drawing your blanket over yourself, and him as much as you were able. You turned over the piece of kyber, watching the violet color swirl as exhaustion settled over you. You felt Anakin breathe, his chest moving gently, and you let it lull you to sleep._  
_


	6. Practice Duels: Age 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your first go with a true lightsaber within a teaching setting.
> 
> Third installment of Practice Duels.

With the last pieces of your new lightsaber Force-fitted into place around your amethyst kyber crystal, you held it in your hands, feeling its weight. You could sense the energy coursing through it, too, fresh and new and ready to learn. It was much different from Qui-Gon’s lightsaber, experienced and holding a sort of wisdom within, and was the polar opposite of the saber of the dark warrior, who you had come to learn was a Sith. Across the table, Anakin tested the weight of his saber, skimming his thumb across the button experimentally. The pair of you had practiced with wooden practice sabers since you arrived; even when training sabers had eventually become available as older initiates graduated to their adult sabers, Obi-Wan had become adamant that you start saber training when you got your kybers, that they might grow with you. Then, he also thought your Gathering would come sooner than it had. On the Council’s side of things, there had miraculously been no openings for you to go to Ilum until the week before last in favor of other Clans, nearly two years after your arrival. Now, you both had your lightsabers perfected, and you were both confident in your ability to make up time lost. 

“Very good, Anakin, (y/n),” Obi-Wan praised, having overseen your work. You placed them back on the table as he stood, picking them up. He stood up straight, very businesslike, and slid right into his formal mode. “Now, remember. A lightsaber is a great responsibility, and I trust you will treat it as such.” He leaned over the table, holding out your sabers, but he didn’t let go when you took hold of the other end. “These weapons are your lives. Treat them with care.” You and Anakin nodded reverently, understanding the weight of this moment. Obi-Wan let go of your weapons. He hadn’t done anything to them, but the saber’s weight in your hand seemed to hold more importance.

“Thank you, Obi-Wan,” you said in unison, as formally as he had re-presented your sabers to you. 

The stony look on his face melted away, and a slow grin took its place. “Now, the moment you both have been waiting for.” He gestured to the doors. “Let’s go for your first true lightsaber training session, shall we?

The smoggy air greeted you as you stepped out into the courtyard with Anakin, closely followed by Obi-Wan. You already had an idea of how this would go; you had watched several of the Clans’ training sessions, and had practiced their moves with your wooden sabers. Some of the movements had come to you more naturally than others, on account of having been guided through them in the heat of battle. You grinned as you faced down Anakin in the middle of the open court. From the corner of your eye, you saw a few members of a younger Clan gather to the edge of the courtyard, eager to watch a duel between older students. 

“Remember what I’ve taught you with your wooden lightsabers,” Obi-Wan instructed, though you sensed there was a plea in there somewhere. “Don’t try to perform advanced moves yet. Lightsabers behave differently than wood. Use what you know, and keep in mind that neither of you built a lower power setting into your sabers.” You knew what he was really saying. _ Please don’t dismember each other. _

The younglings jumped as you and Anakin fell into a starting stance. You both hesitated for only a moment. Anakin’s lightsaber ignited in a streak of brilliant pale blue, almost the same color of his eyes. You held your breath, thumbing the button of your own saber, and a beam of solid violet shot from the end. In a burst of movement, you both lunged, lightsabers clashing. Knowing what to expect, you were ready for the impact, both weightless energy beams colliding and jolting away slightly. Anakin, however, was not as prepared, and the impact of your sabers caused him to nearly drop his as his arm jerked backwards. This didn’t deter either of you; he corrected his grip, you righted yourself, and the pair of you flung yourselves into a proper duel with matching grins. 


	7. Chancellor's Favor: Age 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Anakin get an interesting invitation, and have your first experience in handling life without Obi-Wan's direct guidance.
> 
> Warnings: Be wary of your friend, Palpatine...and your pal, friendpatine. No serious other warnings unless his manipulative nature counts as one.
> 
> Long chapter, too; probably should be around two chapters' worth.

“Hey, (y/n), come look at this!”

“What?” You emerged from your room, sweeping your wet braid over your shoulder. It probably looked a little strange, having both your normal braid and your padawan braid hanging over your shoulders, but it was more comfortable than letting the freshly washed mass soak into your back.

“We got a message!” Anakin waved his datapad excitedly. “It’s a hologram, so we’ll need to stop by the Archives on the way down to breakfast so we can play it.”

“We?” You asked curiously. “I thought you got the message?”

“Well, yeah, it came to my tablet,” he admitted. “But it’s addressed to both of us.”

“Who sent it?”   


“Chancellor Palpatine.”

Your eyebrows shot upwards. The Chancellor had dropped in at the Jedi Temple to “visit” often over the past few years--more or less meaning, “barrage Obi-Wan with questions about your training while you tried to learn.” When he had said that the Senate would watch your careers with interest, you didn’t think he meant in such a hands-on way. Thankfully, he hadn't stuck his nose in your training sessions in a few months now. “Why would he be sending us a message?” 

Anakin shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe he couldn’t reach Obi-Wan and wants us to pass along the message?”

“Maybe,” you agreed. “We won’t know if we don’t go open it, though.”

You made your way through the Temple and to the Archives, dodging fellow students and older masters alike. Many of them were notorious early-risers, who meditated for at least two hours before breakfast. You and Anakin were lucky to get to the dining hall on time most days. Anakin linked his datapad to one of the hologram projectors, quickly maneuvering through the tablet’s system to play the hologram. When he tapped the message, a tiny, flickering blue rendition of Chancellor Palpatine appeared to hover above the projector.

“Anakin, (y/n). It has come to my attention that while I have kept company with your mentor, I have not had the pleasure of spending time with the two of you. Please join me for tea this afternoon--after your daily trainings, of course, I would be loath to detract from your studies. Obi-Wan Kenobi is welcome as well, but I understand if he has other business to attend to. I look forward to your response, and hopefully, your company.”

The hologram vanished in a pale flicker, and you and Anakin exchanged a look. He seemed more excited than you at the prospect of tea with the Chancellor of the Galactic Senate, but you were plenty excited yourself. The man still unnerved you some, though not quite as much as he used to; and, of course, it wasn’t every day that a young padawan was invited to tea with someone of his status.

“Why didn’t he just ask Obi-Wan?” you wondered aloud for the second time. 

“Who knows. Maybe he thought he’d be too busy to check his datapad,” Anakin suggested, dismissing the odd manner of Chancellor Palpatine’s contact with a shrug. “Should we answer him and go?”

You thought for a good long minute. Despite him asking your opinion, you could see the strong desire to go in his eyes. “Let’s ask Obi-Wan first,” you said carefully. “The fact that he asked us directly instead of going to him is really weird. It could be a trap of some kind.”

“A trap,” Anakin deadpanned. “Why would he want to lead us into a trap?”

“It might not be him,” you ventured. “Maybe someone pieced together parts of other holograms for the message, and put them over a different one of him talking. Or maybe someone captured him and forced him to make the hologram.” 

“ _ Or _ , maybe you’re just being  _ paranoid, _ ” Anakin retorted. “But even if,  _ if,  _ that were true,  _ who _ would want to lead us into a trap?”

“It could have something to do with that Sith Obi-Wan defeated a few years ago,” you said quietly. “It could be someone out for revenge trying to capture us, to make a trap for Obi-Wan.”

Anakin gave you a long look, punctuating it with a sigh. “Alright. You do have a point. Let’s go ask Obi-Wan.” 

~

“This is very peculiar,” Obi-Wan said, watching the hologram flicker out of existence for the third time. “The words match up to his speech; this wasn’t a different hologram overlaid with a fabricated message. It appears that he did intend to record this message. Why he sent it to you instead of to me remains to be seen.”

“So I wasn’t being paranoid?” you asked, feeling better. You had started to feel like you were reading into things too much, seeing things that weren’t there. Making a suspect out of a kind invitation. 

“Not at all. I am very glad that you brought this to my attention.” Obi-Wan played the message again, muted this time, examining the hologram for any sign of struggle, or unseen threat towards the Chancellor. “It is very unusual that he would have sent this directly to you. Anything regarding a padawan, initiate, or youngling is always sent to their master or other supervising body. Always,” he said, his voice stern with discomfort.

“Is there a way to call Chancellor Palpatine and talk about it?” Anakin asked. “If the offer is legitimate, this could be good practice for us handling political environments.”

“You have a good point, my young padawan,” Obi-Wan praised. “I believe we can try to reach the Chancellor. If we call, and are unsuccessful, it’s not very far to the Chancellor’s apartment. We can go to make sure all is in order with a company of Jedi, if need be.”

Obi-Wan left to make the hologram call, accompanied by a member of the High Council, and you and Anakin hovered outside the door, curiosity getting the better of you as you eavesdropped. Anakin’s suspicions had been correct; Palpatine dismissed his actions as being concerned for Obi-Wan’s busy schedule as a Jedi Knight with two padawans, and trusted that the pair of you would bring the invitation to his attention. Mace Windu reprimanded the Chancellor in the most businesslike manner you had ever heard, assuring him that the senior members of the Order would have treated a message from the Chancellor of the Galactic Senate with high priority, regardless of its content; not to suggest they served directly at Palpatine’s behest, of course. Palpatine apologized--though you thought he didn’t sound particularly sorry-- and a moment later, you were pretending to examine the edge of the hall rug with Anakin as Obi-Wan emerged. 

  
“The message was legitimate,” Obi-Wan said, nodding a thanks to Master Windu as the Jedi Master took his leave. “The Chancellor has requested us for tea this evening. Though, he has modified his request, and has asked us to dine with him as an apology.”

You and Anakin shared a look. “Can we go?”

“I don’t see why not. You’ve been doing well in your studies. Dining with the Chancellor would give you an exercise in handling politicians, and the time wouldn’t put you behind in your progress. You may go.”   
  
“Will you be coming with us?” you asked. 

Obi-Wan shook his head. “I am afraid not, (y/n).” He offered you a small smile. “It would be good for you and Anakin to get used to doing these things yourselves, too. I won’t always be here to escort you places, no matter how much I wish to.”

“I understand,” you said, returning his smile, albeit somewhat nervously. “We’ll miss you there.”

The day came and went, and your training ended far sooner than you thought it would. Obi-Wan saw you to the speeder Chancellor Palpatine had sent, waving you off. It took you over the barren distance between the Temple and the border of the city, racing between the skyscrapers and deafening zooming of other speeders. Eventually, you were dropped off on the landing pad outside the Chancellor’s apartment. Being in the cityscape of Coruscant brought back memories; especially when Palpatine emerged from the building, smiling his odd, too-wide smile. You and Anakin bowed in unison, a gesture of respect.

“Anakin, (y/n), I am glad you could make it. Where is Obi-Wan?” he asked, face falling slightly as he looked around the obviously empty platform, as if expecting the Jedi to stealthily emerge from thin air.

“He couldn’t make it,” you explained. “He had other business, but he gave us permission to meet you for dinner. Thank you for inviting us.”

Palpatine nodded slowly, seeming pensive, but his welcoming grin quickly returned to replace his confusion. “Very well, very well. You are welcome; it is delightful to be in the company of you two, in any case.”

He led you into the apartment, winding among the various pieces of dark furniture set against the reddish theme of the open-floor dwelling. The building was eerily silent, despite glass panes being the only thing separating you from the drone of speeders outside. You followed the Chancellor dutifully, admiring his apartment, especially the floor-to-ceiling windows that let in the light of the million other windows speckling the vertical landscape of Coruscant. 

The smell of dinner hit your nose then, directing your attention back inside the apartment. A table had been set with four places against the far window, and atop it sat a whole feast’s worth of food; a plate of carved meat was the centerpiece, and an array of side dishes from various planets and cultures held a line around the platter. A pair of glass pitchers sat atop the table as well, one filled with water, the other filled with a steaming reddish liquid. Chancellor Palpatine pulled out the chair closest to you, gesturing for you to sit; once you had, he pulled out the chair across the table for Anakin, then sat between you at the head of the square, tugging up his sleeves slightly. 

“So, tell me; how are you two finding life at the Jedi Temple? Is it everything you expected it to be?” he asked casually, delicately scooping meat onto your plates with the meat fork.

“It’s going okay,” Anakin answered. Both of you weren’t exactly sure what he wanted to hear. “Obi-Wan and Yoda say that we’re making really great progress in our studies.”

“Your studies,” Palpatine echoed interestedly, gesturing to the sides in casual invitation for you to help yourselves. “I understand you are training with true lightsabers now.”

“Yes, and we are learning our skills very quickly,” you answered. “Pardon my rudeness, Chancellor, but why did you wish to speak to us? Surely you have more important things to do than dine with two children.”

Palpatine’s air of propriety faltered, his face darkening with a bit of a sad smile. “To be completely honest, (y/n), I enjoy both your company. Both of you remind me of my...late son.”

The room fell quiet, and you and Anakin quietly chewed your food. “I’m sorry for your loss,” Anakin said softly.

Palpatine waved his hand dismissively. “It is quite alright. It happened a long time ago. The both of you are remarkably reminiscent of him, particularly you, Anakin. You have the same bold spirit.”

“How did he die, if you don’t mind me asking?” You forked another bite of meat into your mouth.

Palpatine’s expression became distant, if a little vacant then, as if he were trying to remember something he had utterly forgotten. “An accident,” he finally said, though he sounded uncertain. “He died with my father in a starship accident.”

He snapped out of whatever deeply pensive state he had slid into and offered you and Anakin another smile, turning the tone of the conversation light again. “Well, that’s in the past. I suppose I see you two like the children I never had, now.”

“It’s an honor, Chancellor,” Anakin said, his words distorted by the mouthful of food he was currently chewing.

“Please, call me Palpatine. Chancellor is so formal, and I must admit that I have never liked my given name.” He served himself more food before reaching towards the pitchers. “Water, or tea?”

“Tea, please. Thank you.” Palpatine nodded, filling the matching glass cups before each of you with the steaming liquid. It’s flowery scent drifted across the table, melding with the scent of dinner. You scooped some of a clear, gelatinous dish from its bowl, putting it where your meat had been with a soft  _ plop _ .

“Now, where were we? Ah, yes. Your training. I trust you have caught up to your peers?” Palpatine looked back and forth at you across the rim of his glass.

“More than, in fact!” Anakin said proudly, gleefully taking the opportunity to show off. The Jedi prized humility, but they weren’t here to reprimand him for boasting. “Master Kenobi says we’ve surpassed other students our age in our Force abilities, and we could take on any of them in a duel.” Palpatine’s eyebrows would have disappeared into his hairline, had he one anywhere near his forehead. 

“We still have to catch up some in regards to history and research, and we haven’t surpassed the other students  _ that _ far,” you corrected, flashing a quick look at Anakin. He gave you an apologetic one in return, knowing he had embellished a bit too much. Palpatine’s eyebrows retreated from the threat of being forever lost to the top of his head; though, he still looked quite impressed. “We aren’t lagging behind at all, though, and we  _ could _ probably defeat any other padawans our age in a duel if we  _ really  _ wanted to, especially if we fought together. Master Kenobi was afraid we would have a difficult time catching up with our age; starting late and everything.”

“Very good, very good. I am pleased to hear it. I am sure you will become exceptionally formidable Jedi in the future.” You and Anakin smiled at his praise, and you cleared the last of the light-flavored, fruity concoction from your plate. “How are your personal lives faring?”

“Our personal lives?” Anakin asked. 

“Yes, your personal lives. Are you making friends? Are the Jedi Masters everything you hoped they would be?” It would have sounded like an interrogation, had he not said it so lightheartedly.

“The other padawans don’t like us. At least, not the older ones,” you said flatly. “The ones slightly younger than us are jealous, and the much-younger initiates look up to us, I think. They’re impressed by us as older students, at the very least.”

“We’ve been given a hard time,” Anakin added. “It’s stopped now, for the most part, but none of them want anything to do with us.”

“That is a shame. You two are such wonderful children; oh, I suppose you are teenagers now,” he said, correcting himself. “If only everyone could see that, the universe would be much kinder to you.”

Anakin smiled weakly. “It’s been quite kind to us already. We could have ended up being slaves our whole lives.”

“Slave children?” Palpatine gasped. “That will not do. Is there, perhaps, something I could do to remedy the situation of your homeworld?”

“No.” He turned to you, looking shocked at your answer and pessimistic tone. “Tatooine doesn’t fall in the Republic’s jurisdiction, and the Hutts would never consider joining up; I’m afraid there’s nothing to be done. It’s kind of you to offer, though.”

“I truly am sorry. That must have been difficult to reconcile; and not easy to leave behind your mother, either.” He offered a smile at your stunned expression. “Obi-Wan told me about her, and that you both have a rather difficult time...setting your feelings aside.”

“It’s been a little easier for me than Anakin, I think,” you said, taking over the conversation; Anakin had gone very quiet, and was halfheartedly picking at his food. “She raised me, but kept me at arm’s length because I’m not her biological child. If we were ever separated in slave trade over it, she didn’t want to devastate me. She and Anakin were really close, though.” You and Shmi had been very close, too, despite her best efforts. Ultimately, her precautions had worked. You felt guilty for leaving her, and you missed her, but you didn’t feel either nearly as strongly as you once had. Anakin, on the other hand; you knew he was still somewhat in denial about leaving.

“Of course, of course. As mother and son should be.” 

You changed the topic, feeling the sadness radiating from Anakin start to intensify. “As for your other questions, life at the Temple is interesting. It’s a lot more work than I thought it would be, and a lot more strict, but it’s not that far off from what I expected. The Jedi Masters are...strict, and if they trust us, they certainly don't act like it. I think they do, though. Otherwise they would have kicked us out of the Order by now, or forbidden Obi-Wan to keep teaching us.”

Palpatine nodded. “You were expecting great heroes, and instead found a colony of judgmental, meditative monks.”

“They  _ are _ great heroes,” Anakin retorted sharply. His tone immediately softened some. “But in a way, yes. I don’t think either of us thought there was as much mindfulness involved as there is, and the Jedi Masters are strict, but they tolerate us. I think they're scared of us.”

“Indeed. I have no doubt you two will master their teachings, in any case. I do hope they recognize that their behavior is unfounded; I see no reason either of you shouldn't be trusted, and no reason you should be feared. You are both young and kind, and deserve as fair a chance to prove yourselves loyal to them as any other padawans.” Palpatine smiled warmly then, and for the first time, you decided that perhaps he wasn’t as unnerving as you had previously thought. You decided you had just needed to get to know him better to know that his smile wasn’t that of a shark. 

The clock mounted on the wall chimed, announcing that it was getting late. You scraped the last of the food off your plate; the bowls and plates that had held the dishes were now pitifully empty, thanks to your and Anakin’s ravenous appetites.

“You should be getting back to the Temple,” Palpatine said, paying mind to the clock’s signaling. “Before your master shows up with a task force to recover his padawans. Obi-Wan is quite protective of you two.”

“You’re telling me,” Anakin muttered, and you shared a smile. Obi-Wan only operated in your best interests, you knew, but sometimes he was more the hovering parent than Shmi had ever been, while simultaneously managing to act like an older brother. 

Palpatine led you two back toward the landing pad, and you caught a glimpse of a droid sneaking to the table to clear it. He pressed a button on the wall near the windows, and not a moment later, a speeder taxi appeared, hovering to an abrupt stop. He led the pair of you to the hovering vehicle, bidding the driver good evening, and offering him credits as advance payment for your ride home. 

“I thoroughly enjoyed this evening. We should meet again for tea, or perhaps another meal, soon,” Palpatine said. “Thank you for joining me.”

“Thank you for the honor of your invitation,” you replied in unison, offering small bows before clambering into the speeder. You looked back, smiling as you clicked the lap belt into place. “Just make sure to ask Obi-Wan or the High Council next time!” 

Palpatine nodded, smiling, and inclined his head with a small wave. The taxi driver stuffed the credits in a compartment, adjusted the controls; and then Palpatine’s apartment was gone in a blur, the evening punctuated by the roar of Coruscant’s night traffic as you headed home.


	8. Practice Duels: Age 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A test of your strengths and weaknesses, as well as how you and Anakin work together in combat now that you've honed your lightsaber skills for a few years.
> 
> Warnings: Violence, technically

Droids closed together around you, standing would-be-elbow to elbow. You pressed your back against Anakin’s, the feeling of his spine a rock in a rushing river; you knew the feeling was mutual. Your lightsaber ignited, lighting up your face with violet light. The blue of Anakin’s lightsaber was reflected in the glassy targeting-camera eyes of the imminent droids. 

“Ready?” Anakin asked. You felt his free hand move back towards you.

“Of course.” You copied his movement, linking your left hand with his between your backs. It had begun as a gesture of habit, then a gesture of comfort when you had first begun your training. You’d had a harder time than you’d let on when you had begun training with a lightsaber--the feel and actions of engaging in lightsaber combat had brought up memories of Qui-Gon and your first saber duel. Now, the linking of your hands was almost a ready-signal, though you were both more discerning of when it was used. Usually, when Anakin sensed that you needed the grounding effect; it also enabled you to calibrate your joint use of the Force. Despite its new purpose, it still carried its connotations of its previous iterations.

In a flash, the pair of you let go, lunging towards the droids. They lowered their blasters, but several of them never had the opportunity to fire a shot before their blasters were severed. Through the bond you shared, you could sense what Anakin was doing--the moves he used, his location relative to you, what he was about to do. He knew that about you as well, and neither of you looked or said a word, fighting as you were driven together by advancing droids. No matter what moves you used, what Form either of you utilized, you were both consistently out of the way of the other. More often than not, you were covering each others’ backs.

Linking your arm into his and directing the Force to your feet, you propelled yourself into an Ataru flip, backflipping over Anakin’s head. You landed facing him, and you both moved in unison, stepping towards and stabbing behind the other, the droids at your backs crumpling as their power packs were run through by the hot energy beams of your lightsabers. Without sparing a moment, you both immediately stepped back, spinning on your linked arms to stand back to back--and taking out a whole line of training droids in a combined wide, sweeping arc of blue and violet light. You went on like this, fighting together on the instinct facilitated by your link, until every last one of the training droids lay deactivated and sparking at your feet.

“Impressive,” Yoda commented. Obi-Wan proudly nodded to the pair of you, and you both deactivated your lightsabers. “Very coordinated, the pair of you are. Much progress you have made, since your first lesson.” 

A younger Clan slipped into the room, casting you and Anakin wary and admiring glances as they began to drag away the remains of the droids as part of their physical exertion for the day. You and Anakin had developed a reputation for your skills with your sabers, and many of the other students who had once bullied you without hesitation now made themselves scarce, preferring to snap obscenities and shun you both from a distance. 

“Are they progressing as they should?” Obi-Wan asked. You could practically hear the nerves he desperately tried to hide.

“Indeed they are. Progressing better than expected, in fact.” Yoda looked you and Anakin over, nodding thoughtfully. “Exemplary, their technique is. Further instructed them in dueling one another, have you?”

Obi-Wan nodded in earnest. “Yes, they can duel each other as well as they can fend off adversaries together. Would you like them to show you?”

Yoda nodded, and with a glance from Obi-Wan, you and Anakin separated, taking up position opposite each other. You could sense that you both took the initiative to block part of your link; dueling was never quite as fun when both parties were instinctively privy to the forthcoming actions of the other. With the droids out of the way, the Clan sat down in an out-of-the-way corner of the room, watching with intense interest. Their Clan Leader poked their head into the room, confused at their lack of reemergence, but quickly joined the audience when they realized what had kept them. Your lightsabers ignited, and you gave Anakin the Makashi Salute, sweeping your violet beam down in front of you and to the side from its vertical position dramatically. He slid into the opening stance for Form Five, his saber pointing into the sky over his shoulder as his right foot slid back. 

You darted forward, swinging your saber up and stepping into his downstroke. You weren’t sparring yet, not really; you could sense each other’s amusement, and neither of your hits held true strength behind them. That was about to change. In a fluid motion, your sabers slid apart and you launched into the true duel. Anakin’s attack came quickly, barraging you with hit after hit, each backed not only with physical strength, but the enhancement of the Force as he executed Form Five exclusively. You, however, were not swayed. For each hit, you blocked and parried with equal resolve, slipping into a series of Form Three close-quarters blocks. He spun, backing off to get a better angle after having driven himself into too close of quarters, and made a swipe at your feet as he faced you again. Leaping clean over his saber, you backflipped once, touched the floor with your toes, and flipped again, dropping into a guard stance on your landing. This time, you launched an attack as he chased your retreat. You put one foot in front of the other, every inch of you ready to execute the fine points of Form Two as you held your saber forward, angled up. He swung his saber downward and you parried, directing the flow of the Force through your arm and bopping his hit away. You immediately went on offense, refusing to give him an opening to make a counterattack. The broad, sweeping motions of Form Four came to you easily as you backed Anakin up with your own fight, each executed in as fluid of order as the nuances of Form Two. He quickly caught onto the pattern, managing to block your attacks very efficiently, but you unrelentingly refused to allow him time for a counterattack after just fending off his full offense. He blocked you once, twice, and very nearly took a scalding wound to the shoulder as you spun out of reach, only to lunge forward a second later with your own elegant variation of Form Five. Anakin’s Form Five was focused on the pretense of the form; it utilized his physical strength, and he had enough physical strength and Force strength to put that to exemplary use. You, on the other hand, executed Form Five with the sort of dueling grace and precision that would normally be found in Form Two, without sacrificing its use of strength--and you often melded the forms together. Anakin danced backwards, putting up his own series of fast, short blocks and parries as you rained his preferred form down on him. He hooked his saber on yours on an upstroke and launched himself over your head; you spun to face him, blocking a hit without looking. You slipped back into Form Two, giving your fellow padawan an exercise in parrying as you glided through a series of precise cuts and swipes.

The pair of you went on like this for several minutes, each earning your due amount of _oooo!_-s and _whoop!_-s from the Clan huddled in the corner. There were several times you each came very close to severely injuring the other as you kept up the duel, the buzzing heat of your lightsabers skimming across the others’ skin as it drew too close to a wrist, arm, leg, or head in one case. At one point, Anakin had dropped his block in your link, reaching out with the Force to make sure you weren’t actually mad at him, _because you seem out for blood today, _his emotions had said. You had answered him with your own calm, amused attitude, assuring him that you were not mad at him. There was no ill will between the pair of you today; this just happened to be the perfect opportunity to show off both of your dueling skills to your superiors without them calling reckless behavior, and both of you taking advantage of that fact had created an intense battle in the training room. 

Your lightsabers clashed in midair, Anakin blocking a sweep of your saber towards him. Taking the new opportunity, you pushed against his resistance instead of allowing the sabers to slide apart, dashing toward his shoulder while keeping his saber well out of your way. Timing your unconventional move carefully, you suddenly swept your saber away from his without allowing it the counterbalance of sliding. He was not prepared for the move, stumbling against the empty space he had once been fervently pushing away, and listed to the side as you stepped around and behind him. Before he could recoup, your line of violet light was carefully hovering below his jaw on the opposite side. He froze, slowly sinking to a knee as you completed your circle, and deactivated his lightsaber in a gesture of surrender. You deactivated yours then, sparing him the discomfort of the staticy energy prickling his skin, and held out a hand. He took it gratefully, allowing you to help him to his feet. You bowed to one another, both of you dripping sweat from the speed and persistent nature of your dueling attacks, and as you straightened, you shared a grin.

“Outstanding, your performance was,” Yoda complimented, and your fun-sized audience burst into applause. You felt accomplished in that regard; most of the more disciplined younglings would have simply given you a very enthralled incline of the head. “Advancing in your skills well, you are. Young Skywalker, practice other Forms, you should,” he commented. 

“But I’m best with Form Five,” he protested, though you could tell he kept the indignance he was feeling from slipping into his voice too much. 

“Indeed, indeed,” Yoda agreed. “A skilled master of Djem So, you will one day be; but enhancement of your skills, mastery of other Forms will also bring. Practice.”

Obi-Wan nodded. “He’s right, Anakin. Form Five is powerful, but the form itself still has weaknesses. Mixing in other Forms to cover those can only help.” He inclined his head. Even though he didn’t outright say it, you could see the delight and pride in his eyes. “Well done.”

“Young (l/n),” Yoda continued, turning his attention to you. “Considered practicing in Form Six, have you?” 

You shook your head. “Not more than Master Kenobi has asked of us.”

The small green Jedi nodded thoughtfully. “Practiced in many forms you are. New methods of dueling you have used. Benefit you, I believe Form Six would.”

“I will consider it,” you said. In truth, you had no intention to pursue Form Six. While your style did mimic it somewhat, what with your blending of many forms, you preferred to mix and match on your own terms. “What do you mean, new methods?”

“Very fond of incongruent attacks, you are. Match your offense, your stances often do not.” That was almost more cryptic than his original comment. 

“Your opening stance didn’t match the attacks you used right after, and you apply the posture and demeanor of one form to another. When Jedi combine attacks, they don’t often use that to their advantage as a form of feint,” Obi-Wan clarified. Now you understood what he meant; applying the physical expectations of Form Two to the comparative brutality of Form Five, among others. “It is a compliment, (y/n). A sign that you will be highly skilled when the time comes for genuine battle, not training spars.”

“Oh. Thank you,” you said awkwardly, feeling bad for not understanding what Yoda meant. Anakin smiled slightly, lightly bumping you with his arm. You had since dropped your blocks, and you could sense him offering you reassurance.

“Keep practicing, and great Jedi you will become. Gifted students, you are, and strong duelists I believe you will become. May the Force be with you.” Yoda stood, hobbling towards the door as he took his leave. You and Anakin bowed, murmuring your thanks again, and Obi-Wan stood too, offering a bow of his own. The Clan Leader waited until Yoda was through the doors before collecting the students, leading them out in a neat row. 

“You should be very proud,” Obi-Wan praised, approaching the pair of you. “Yoda does not offer such praise lightly. You impressed him greatly.”

  
You and Anakin smiled. “We gave it our best,” you assured him, and he nodded.

“And your best was impressive, even though you have room for improvement. I am proud of you; keep up the good work,” he praised, smiling. You and Anakin each offered him a hug of thanks, which was met with awkward back-pats and smiles that suggested he had no idea what he was supposed to do with that. “Dinner should be served within the next ten minutes or so,” he said, awkwardly changing the subject. You both knew he was still proud of your work, despite his shift in demeanor. “We should head down; I am sure the pair of you are famished.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: I had four Wookieepedia tabs open for lightsaber forms 2-5 so I could make sure I got the moves and styles right for each one, canonically, because I'm weirdly obsessive about little details like that


	9. Coming of Age: Age 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Puberty has hit you and your peers full swing. In such close quarters, you can't help but overhear a thing or two about the changes taking place.
> 
> In other words, Obi-Wan has an awkward question to answer, and an even more awkward explanation to give.
> 
> (This fic provides more insight into your status as a Vamaelyn, and how it makes you different.)
> 
> Warnings: None, unless skimming over normal female bodily function qualifies!

You twisted the edge of your sleeve in your hand as you stood on the balcony, looking down over the main hall of the library. The associate librarians patrolled the bookshelves, while the archive droids hovered along, putting things back where they belong. Jocasta Nu patrolled the main halls of the lower level, looking for anyone who needed aid in their research, her posture dignified. The archives were empty for the most part; most of the Clans were either finishing up dinner, or had already retired to their chambers, as had those who taught them. Only apprenticeless Jedi and those with older Padawans, as well as those older Padawans, would be found up and roaming the temple this late. One older Padawan slumped across a table below with a resounding thunk, his research clearly not going as well as could be hoped. 

“(Y/n),” Obi-Wan said, approaching on soft feet. His forehead was wrinkled in concern. “Is something wrong? I found your message.”

You turned, leaning against the balcony railing. “No, nothing is wrong. I just,” you let out a long breath, “I needed to talk to you in private. Without Anakin.”

Obi-Wan gestured to one of the plush seats on the balcony, silently asking you to join him as he took the other. You sank into the comforting embrace of the furniture, but your body was tense as a sculpture. Obi-Wan leaned forward in his seat, studying your face. “What is it you wanted to talk to me about?”

You hesitated. The question had been burning a hole in your mind for some weeks now, but only today had you found the courage to ask Obi-Wan aside; and even then, you couldn’t bring yourself to ask him face-to-face. Now that you were sitting across from him, your anxiety was getting the best of you. You swallowed, throat sticking as your mouth went dry. Were padawans even supposed to ask about things like this? _ Transmission of wisdom, _ Yoda had once called the job of a Jedi teacher, whether they held rank of master or not. Considering you were curious and could not find answers you sought in the books, you supposed this fell into that job description, if slightly to the side of most wisdom-related questions.

“I overheard some of the other Padawan girls talking,” you began slowly, carefully choosing your words. You were too shy to be blunt about something like this; besides, you were still telling the truth. It just staved off the awkwardness a little this way. “And I came down to the archives to find out what it was they were talking about.”

Obi-Wan looked perplexed, but he was used to fielding your indirect lead-ups to direct questions. It hadn’t happened often; you were typically at ease asking him questions. “Did you find what you were looking for?”

You continued to fidget with your sleeve. “Yes and no,” you admitted. “I found out what they were talking about, but I could not answer my main question with any book I read.”

Obi-Wan shifted, nodding patiently. “Am I right in assuming that your next step was consulting me with this question, and that is why we are here?” You nodded, chewing the inside of your cheek. He raised his eyebrows expectantly. “I cannot provide you with an answer if I do not know what that question is,” he reminded you gently.

“I know,” you said, not meeting his gaze. You didn’t have to to know that he was silently bidding you take time to compose yourself, to build the courage to ask. You brushed a stray wisp of hair behind your ear, taking a deep breath, and you felt your face flush with heat as you found the courage to begin. “I was just wondering...well, the books say I’m a little old to start, you know,” you gestured vaguely towards yourself, “_bleeding _.”

“Oh.” Obi-Wan sounded surprised, and you could practically see your own awkardness seep into his composure as he paled. “I see.”

“I wasn’t sure if this was anything to be discussed between a Jedi and their Padawan, or if I should have gone down to the medical bay to ask a nurse,” you said, the words rushing out in explanation. “I just..._ felt _ like I should ask you, instead of them. I’m sorry if this is an inappropriate question.”

Obi-Wan seemed to snap out of his stunned state, quickly waving a hand. “Oh, no, (y/n). It’s perfectly alright for you to ask me such things. I wasn’t expecting you to ask them so soon.”

“So soon?” Your brow furrowed in puzzlement. The books had said that thirteen was the usual time such body changes took place. Some effects of puberty had taken, but others...hadn’t. “Obi-Wan, I’m fifteen.”

He blinked again, and you could tell that he was trying to process your request. Whatever he had been expecting you to ask, this had certainly not been it, and it showed. “Indeed you are,” he agreed, seeming to come back to himself some. “I keep forgetting that you and Anakin aren’t the children from Tatooine anymore. You’re teenagers now.” He swallowed, then slowly wiped his hands over his face as he refocused on the matter at hand.

“So,” you began, a little more comfortable with the question now. “Should I talk to the nurses? Or is it normal for girls to start a bit older?”

Obi-Wan was hesitant now, and awkward. You could tell he was not looking forward to whatever talk he was about to have with you. “There is more to your predicament than you have been led to believe,” he said carefully, gauging your expression. Now you were confused, more than awkward. He stood, beckoning you to follow. “Come with me. I’ll explain.”

At a loss for words, you quietly followed him from the balcony, trailing behind him as he led the way through the various stacks of books. A few droids barely acknowledged your passing by. When you were some distance from where you had been, he slowed, allowing you to stroll beside him. 

“You are not a human,” he began gently. “Not in the sense that the Council has led you to believe.” He caught the look on your face. “Well, you are _ technically _ a human. Your genes are human, and you are part of the species. You’re just a different _ type _ of human.”

“What is _ that _ supposed to mean?!” you demanded. He gestured for you to lower your voice, silently pleading you to calm down and let him explain. You pressed down your emotions, resolving to let him speak.

“Sit.” He gestured toward a pair of chairs that sat between the bookshelves. The books here were old, you knew, and the shelves reflected it, having a small balcony built in to set books on that ran the length of the shelf. Obi-Wan began plucking a few volumes from the collection. Despite resting in preserving cases, the books looked ready to fall apart at a moment’s notice. He plunked them down on the reading shelf, then took the chair beside you, rearranging the books to sit between you. 

“As you know, you were not Shmi Skywalker’s biological child,” Obi-Wan began. “During the time Master Qui-Gon stayed with you, she confided to him that fact, and that she found you in the back of a transport when she and Anakin were sent to Watto.” You nodded, eyeing the books curiously, but Obi-Wan did not seem inclined to open them yet. “Qui-Gon tested both of your blood to check your midichlorian count, and during that test, it was revealed that you were not a human, per se, but a Vamaelyn.”

“I still have no idea what that means,” you deadpanned. Now that he said it, some vague memories came back to you. You remembered eavesdropping on Qui-Gon’s communicator conversation the night before the pod race; the word Vamaelyn had been used, but they hadn’t even seemed to know what that meant, and you were more worried about getting caught out of bed than hanging on their every word. Then again, you had also thought Qui-Gon would be around to explain those things later. 

“I didn’t either. Even Qui-Gon was unsure,” Obi-Wan admitted. “I tried asking Master Yoda, and he gave me very vague information. That led me here, after we returned from Naboo.” He gestured toward the books. “I learned what I could, but I was waiting to tell you until the time was right.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” you asked. You were hurt that he would keep something this big from you, especially something this big about yourself.

“I wanted to,” he assured you, resting a hand on your shoulder. “But I was concerned it would affect your ability to mingle with the other padawans, knowing you were somehow different. I considered telling you when it became apparent that the other students were not accepting of yourself and Anakin, but I feared that would only isolate you more than you already had been. I had planned to tell you after your Trials, but current circumstances have changed that plan.”

You sighed, looking away. When he put it like that, you understood, and you were certain that he was correct about how it would have affected you. Even so, you were still unhappy at his withholding of information from you. You nodded anyway. “I understand,” you said quietly. “But I don’t understand what it means.”

He sat back slowly, judging your reaction before continuing. “The Vamaelyn had very few differences from humans; what we consider to be all humans now. You are the first Vamaelyn to be found in a thousand years, (y/n). Before you, they were considered to be an extinct race.”

That was a lot to take in. “I thought you said they were a species, not a race?”

“The lines are...blurred,” Obi-Wan admitted. “Most texts consider them a separate, but closely related species due to their differences being biological, and their population having been so localized. Nobody can say for certain where that localization was, in fact, but many theorize that they were from Ahch-To or the moons of Iego. Others consider them a race because they were human, just humans of a different form.”

You rubbed your forehead. “So I’m still a human, just slightly different? Not a completely separate humanoid species like the Zabraks and Twi’leks, I mean.”

Obi-Wan nodded. You could see his relief at having gotten his point across correctly. “Yes.” 

You nodded, looking from him to the books between you. “What does any of this have to do with my original question?”

He gave you a sheepish smile, pulling the arms of his cloak back from his hands. “I’m getting to that. I wanted to ensure you understood the premise of your difference, in that you aren’t that far removed from the kind of human you have been raised as.” He looked at you for confirmation that you did, indeed, understand, and once he had it, he picked up one of the books.

“These texts are the last known surviving records of the Vamaelyn. The rest were lost or destroyed,” he explained, pulling a particularly old text forward. “They detail the differences between humans as we know them today and the Vamaelyn. The major defining difference was their interconnection with the Force, but they had a few significant physical differences.”

“Like what?”

Obi-Wan caught the look on your face, as if you were expecting _ lekku _ or a tail to suddenly spring from your form, and chuckled. “Nothing as major as you’re imagining, I’m sure. The most noted in the Jedi texts--which is most of what we have--is that they could utilize the Force without physical consequence.” He flicked through the fragile pages. The thin paper fell open to show a depiction of two individuals, one on each page, facing each other. From what you could tell, they were the exact same individual, but faded blue and red pigments were swirled through their forms, respectively. “I don’t know what that entails, precisely. The Order has been unconcerned with studying these texts, since they were thought to be extinct. A little bit has been researched in detail, but that is at Master Nu’s discretion.”

He flipped to a new page in the same section. There was another individual painted across the pages, and once-rich pigments of greens and blues made up a ground below and a night sky above them. A violet pigment, streaked blue and red from the last depiction, wove intricately through the individual and burst forth from their fingers. The flecked violet blended seamlessly into the pigments of the sky and land. “There is speculation that this means that the Vamaelyn were strong with the Cosmic and Living force. I don’t know how much truth this holds--”

“It’s true,” you interrupted, and Obi-Wan looked to you, a question written all over his face. “At least the part about the Cosmic Force. Master Qui-Gon said as much when I saw him in the Crystal Caves. He told me I could perceive him there because it was a strong vergence, but that other Jedi wouldn’t have been able to see him, even with that help.” You had, admittedly, changed his words some. Hearing that your Master thought your Padawan was better attuned to the Force than you would not be ego-friendly.

“I see,” he said quietly. He could preach about not missing those who had become one with the Force as well as Yoda, but you knew he still had trouble accepting that Qui-Gon was dead. Whether he was part of the Force now or not, he was dead, and you weren’t sure if Obi-Wan had reconciled that fact, so much as pushed it down and refused to acknowledge it. On some level, you were also sure that he had taken Yoda's words from Ilum to heart, and didn't fully believe you...but his denial left room for a sliver of hope to peek through. Obi-Wan pushed onward, flipping pages quickly as he changed the topic. You glimpsed the images as he went; a youthful individual surrounded by a circle composed of the sun’s journey overhead and moon phases below, someone seeming to commune with another individual painted in pale blue, among others. Every page was lined in a pale, foreign-looking script that had nearly faded from the pages with time. 

Obi-Wan finally found the page he was looking for that seemed to document the anatomy of an individual. He cleared his throat, moving on with the conversation, though his attitude quickly shifted to the awkwardness you had both experienced earlier. “Now, to answer your question. Yes, you are a bit old to start menstruating, but it is not unusual for it to still happen--for non-Vamaelyns. To put it simply, you don’t need to worry about it, because you will never start.”

You stared blankly at him, trying to process this new information, and drew in a slow breath. “Does this mean that--and I mean this in the most hypothetical way, as I would never betray the Code--but does that mean that I would never be physically able to have children?”

“There is nothing in these texts that point to it affecting their reproductive ability, so I would assume not,” he said carefully. “Of course, so long as you follow the Code, you won’t need to worry about that. Attachments are forbidden, and that includes fathering and bearing children.” 

You nodded fervently. “I know, I know. I was just curious, since they go hand in hand for normal humans.”

Obi-Wan closed the book gently. “I do suggest you read through these as best you can. They are reference texts, but I am sure that if you ask Master Nu nicely, she will let you take them back to your chambers for study. As far as I am aware, they have hardly ever been consulted since they were brought to the Archives, and only by her.” He scooted the stack of books towards you, and you gently scooped them into your lap. Their protective cases were cold against your hands.

“(Y/n),” he hesitated, seeming to search for the right words. “I do not wish you to feel singled out by this information. You are as normal a human as the rest of us, even if you do have differing abilities.” He rested a hand on your arm. “If you would prefer to forget about the difference and lead your life, that is fine as well. Given your question, I just felt it was time you knew. You likely would have figured out something was different eventually, and...well, I thought it would be better coming from me than someone else. Like Yoda.”

Balancing the books on your lap, you rested your hand over his. “I understand. If I were in your position, I probably would have done the same.” You gave him a smile, but you knew it was weak. “I’ll learn what I can, but after that, I think I will continue my life as if nothing were different. As far as I can tell, there aren’t any differences so major that I couldn’t.”

Obi-Wan nodded, offering you a reassuring smile. “Thank you for coming to me with your question, (y/n). I am glad you are comfortable enough doing so.” You returned his smile, and he took his leave, leaving you alone with five vague books and your own thoughts.


	10. Practice Duels: Age 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mace Windu takes an interest in your technique.
> 
> This is a particularly long one-shot that rightfully should have taken maybe two or three chapters.
> 
> Warnings: Lightsaber dueling

You picked at the calluses on your hands as you waited in the courtyard, perched on a railing with your back to a pillar and a leg dangling toward the ground. Obi-Wan and Anakin were both late; Obi-Wan had promised to help one of the Clans with their first foray into library research, and Chancellor Palpatine had summoned Anakin to have tea. You had been invited to the latter, but had politely declined, instead deciding to devote your time to a little extra reading. 

“You look pensive.” The Jedi’s voice startled you from your thoughts. You looked up to see Master Mace Windu leaning against the railing, observing you thoughtfully.

“I’m waiting for Obi-Wan and Anakin for lightsaber practice. They’re both late,” you explained, dropping your hands into your lap.

Master Windu nodded in understanding. “I can’t say about Anakin, but you’ll be waiting on Master Kenobi for some time. The Clan is having difficulties learning to put their materials away, so to speak.” You shared a knowing look. In the time you had been here, you had earned your way into his good graces. Having the same rare shade of lightsaber had gone a long way in that regard, as he was all too eager to observe your trainings after learning of it. Unlike Obi-Wan, Mace Windu was too proper to outright share direct gossip or complaints with you; instead he phrased it formally, and you shared a mutual understanding of what it meant. 

“I remember Anakin and I were both bad about that too,” you said, nostalgia creeping into your tone and smile. “I think he’s just happy we’ve outgrown it.”

“Indeed. Though, he never complained to us about it. Likely because he knew that he was lucky to have been allowed to train you both at all.” That was the other side of Mace Windu. Blunt and honest, sometimes painfully so. “If you would like something better to do than pick at your hands, I am sure he would not complain if I put you through your paces while you wait.”

You sat up a little straighter. “Are you offering to give me a lesson yourself, Master Windu?”

He quirked an eyebrow. “Of sorts. Think of it as a progress test. I am curious as to your utilization of the Force in your technique, as well as how you execute that which you have learned.”

You slid off the railing, all ears. “I would be honored, sir.”

He nodded, striding towards the open area of the courtyard. You followed, taking up position opposite from him. You each dropped into an initiating stance, barely holding it before you both launched into attack. Master Windu came forth with a series of short, direct hits, and you compensated for it by stepping back, blocking each quickly, but in dangerously close range to yourself. Seeing an opening, you fended off his onslaught with a wide sweep of your saber, gaining back some control of the duel. Master Windu maneuvered back, parrying as you danced forward with a series of quick, agile cuts, aiming for the most unprotected zones at each moment. Catching you slightly off guard, he snapped his saber up into yours quickly, knocking it clean out of the way. You took the opportunity to follow your saber, flipping backwards in a somersault with the impact, and narrowly avoided a nick from the opposing violet saber. Landing cleanly, you swept forward, peppering counterattacks among your parries and blocks. Master Windu caught your parry on a downstroke, flipping clean over your head. You spun with the momentum, parrying a hit aimed at your back before completing the spin, and catching your momentum when you clashed with your opponent’s saber again. As the pair of you dueled, Master Windu gradually heightened the speed of his attacks, and you followed suit, determined not to let him get the best of you. You allowed your mind to relax, letting the Force flow through you, attuning yourself and letting it guide your movements.

You began to change your approach slightly when despite your best efforts, you found that Master Windu was still upping the ante. Given that you were a Padawan, and he was a renowned and experienced Master Jedi and the champion duelist of the Order, you knew that you couldn’t truly overpower him or beat him in a duel. He was testing you, for your strengths and your weaknesses, and he was going to do so by pushing you to your limits. Letting you win would be counterproductive. Focusing, you dragged up your emotions; your anxiety at fighting his level of expertise, fear of failure, and offense at how the Jedi Council was still wary of you and Anakin years later--and you funneled them directly through the river of the Force, allowing them to strengthen and enhance your movements and reactions. It wasn’t much, compared to the Force’s strength, but it was enough to utilize without risking it taking over your resolve. There were stronger emotions, buried far deeper than those shallow, comparatively weak ones, but something in you knew that dredging those up was dangerous. You continued to move through the motions, matching Master Windu hit for hit, swiping and flipping and blocking. As he pushed past your strongest point, you parried, then flipped out of reach, holding up both arms in a gesture of surrender.

“Are you giving up so easily?” Master Windu challenged, his lightsaber flipping slightly as he readjusted his grip. “Surrendering out of weakness?”  
  
“Yes,” you admitted. He blinked. You were certain this wasn’t the reaction he was expecting. “I am surrendering. I respect and recognize that you are more practiced than I am, and I am surrendering because I don’t wish to cause either of us harm in pretending that I can truly challenge you.” Your violet beam vanished with a flick of a button, finalizing your surrender. 

Master Windu straightened, deactivating his own saber. “I am impressed with your conduct, young (l/n),” he praised. “You show exemplary control of yourself and your actions in a duel, as well as a strong ability to blend your Forms. I believe I observed at least four.”

You smiled at his words, bowing. “Thank you, Master Windu. I combined Forms Two through Five.”

Master Windu nodded pensively. “You are particularly strong in Soresu and Ataru; as well you should be, given the preferred Forms of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon Jinn. It seems you are equally skilled in Makashi; I suspect you will become a great duelist if you hone that particular Form.” He seemed to consider the rest of your skill. “Djem So is a useful accessory Form in addition to those you are on your way to mastering.”

Confusion interrupted your acceptance of his praise. “But Qui-Gon never had the chance to teach me Ataru,” you said, leaving a question in the air. 

Master Windu clipped his lightsaber to his belt. “Obi-Wan told the Council that you handled Qui-Gon's lightsaber for only a moment to defend yourself from the Sith he defeated, when the battle uncovered your hiding place. See, kybers learn as their bearers do, and the Jedi’s presence and influence is copied into them; there is an intrinsic link, the same that drew you to your own kyber in the first place. When you defended yourself, Qui-Gon’s kyber connected to you through the Force and showed you what to do; in a way, he passively instructed you in the form of Ataru. You appear to have picked up on a significant amount of skill for wielding another's lightsaber for such a short time, but you are a fast learner, so it is not surprising. Does that make sense?”

You remembered the strange influence that had aided you in your fight, seeming to direct you hand-over-hand when you had no knowledge whatsoever of the nature of lightsaber dueling. Now that you thought about it, the moves it had shown you had become second nature; they were what you knew first, and you had instinctively employed them when you had begun formal training. “Yes.”

“Of course, your skill in Soresu is obvious. Master Kenobi is gifted with that particular form, and I expect he has drilled defensive strategy into both yourself and Anakin.” Master Windu seemed pleased when you nodded.

“I should hope they learned something from it,” Obi-Wan said, adjusting his cloak as he came down the courtyard stairs. He bowed low. “Master Windu, to what do I owe the honor?” 

You inclined your head in greeting, ignoring the sideways look Master Windu gave you. Most Jedi would consider that a disrespectful greeting, but Obi-Wan had confided that being the recipient of those gestures was highly disconcerting and uncomfortable. In some ways, he still felt half a Padawan. You respected that, but mixed in proper bows and gestures of respect every now and again to help ease him into it; though, those were usually reserved for the eyes of the Council. 

“(Y/n) and I have just completed a progress test,” Master Windu said. His ability to become dead serious in a moment’s notice somehow made statements like that sound as if the results were unsatisfactory. Obi-Wan picked up the tone too; the color began to drain from his face, and you caught the slight lapse of concern in his open-to-criticism expression. 

“Is she performing to the High Council’s expectations, for a Padawan her age?” Obi-Wan asked. To anyone else, he sounded interested. To you, he sounded nervous. Perhaps you were biased, knowing he was still, on some level, trying to get used to the idea of being a teacher, even six--or was it seven? You had lost track of your tenth birthday--years later.

“Yes.” Obi-Wan visibly relaxed, but Master Windu’s pause of consideration brought his shoulders up from their slight slouch. “As a matter of fact, I would like to speak to you about her training. I would like to train her in _ Vaapad _.”

Obi-Wan’s jaw dropped, and he gaped like a startled gooberfish until he found his words. “Are you saying you wish to take her on as your Padawan?” he finally asked, poorly masking his astonishment.

Master Windu’s mouth twitched, amused. “No. She has and will continue to benefit greatly under your trainings and moral teachings. I have every faith that you will pass on the teachings that Master Qui-Gon once passed on to you.” Obi-Wan’s forehead uncrinkled, and he seemed to let out a breath he’d held. “However, I believe (y/n) is a perfect candidate to learn Form Seven.”

Form Seven. You had never heard its true name, sheerly because it was strictly forbidden to Jedi students. If the rumors were to be believed, many Jedi who had studied that form had ended up falling to the Dark Side of the Force. You shared a look with Obi-Wan, who was pale with confusion and shock over this proposal. 

“What makes you think that?” Obi-Wan asked. _ A+ phrasing _. 

Master Windu tilted his head slightly, considering your Master. “Her conduct and use of the Force is exceptional for a Padawan of her age and skill. She is strong in the Light, but I believe she would utilize emotional reinforcement if it became strictly necessary; she utilized such on a small scale during our duel, but backed down with grace when it became apparent that I was surpassing her limits of skill and power.” You dipped your head, feeling the heat rise to your ears as you silently accepted Master Windu’s defense. 

Obi-Wan flushed. “I am sorry, Master Windu. I have instructed her and Anakin multiple times on the importance of peace over passion,” he began, ready to launch headlong into an hour’s worth of apology. 

“Do not apologize,” Master Windu said, cutting him off. Obi-Wan slowly closed his mouth. “Many students could not exert that level of control over themselves once they tap into the extra strength their emotions can provide. I have not witnessed a Padawan use (y/n)’s level of self-control in many, many years. While her use of emotion is far from _ optimal _in the context of our decrees and the Code, her level of self-regulation makes up for it. You should be proud.” You both stared at Master Windu. That was a wild ride of an explanation if you had ever heard one. 

“In that case,” Obi-Wan said awkwardly, “I would be honored to share her training, provided she wishes to learn _ Vaapad. _” 

“I would be honored to learn from you,” you echoed, mimicking Obi-Wan’s bow of greeting. You caught the look in his eyes. He was clearly nervous for you, but behind the gradually-deepening worry lines on his forehead, you saw support and pride in his eyes.

“Very well. We will begin tomorrow, after your regular lessons with Master Kenobi.” You beamed, and you caught a worry-tinged smile from Obi-Wan. Master Windu, however, seemed to not react--he was a very stoic Jedi.

“Will Anakin be able to train in _ Vaapad _ as well?” You asked. Obi-Wan’s expression turned to pure concern at that. It was definitely a long-shot question. While Anakin _ could _ control his use of the Force the way you did if he really wanted to, he generally didn’t want to, in favor of showing off. You also knew he lived by Obi-Wan’s peace-not-passion Code teachings; you had tried, but you were also acutely aware of the fact that tapping into your emotions was second nature.

“Not as of yet,” Master Windu said carefully. “Young Skywalker still has much to learn, and a greater control over his use of the Force to hone. Perhaps one day, but he is not ready yet.”

You nodded regretfully, but bowed to Master Windu all the same. “Thank you for this privilege, Master Windu. I greatly appreciate it.”

~

The next evening, you excused yourself from Obi-Wan and Anakin’s company, heading for the training rooms with your lightsaber in hand. The halls were empty, save for a few Jedi wandering here and there; Master Windu had pushed back your training from the original time, setting it for just after sunset due to a Council meeting. You’d had just enough time to eat dinner and let your food begin to digest, as well as spend time with Anakin and Obi-Wan. Anakin had taken the news of your additional training well--you had expected him to be jealous. Obi-Wan had offered to give him additional one-on-one training in Form Five--his preferred Form--to make things fair, so he wasn’t too put out. Of course he was a little hurt that Master Windu didn’t think he had enough self-control to train alongside you, but he was delighted to be able to specialize before Knighthood; _ and, _ he had said, _ I am kind of a show-off. _ The doors slid open, and beyond the darkened training room, the lights of the endless city of Coruscant shone like a galaxy of stars against the night-dark sky. The sudden _ bzsht _ of a lightsaber made you reflexively move into a guard stance, igniting your own. The stream of violet energy pointed towards the floor, ready to strike an attack.

“Your senses are keen,” Master Windu commented. He looked more intimidating than usual, his permanently stern face sharply defined by the violet glow of lightsabers. The ambient lights in the room brightened slightly, but they did little more than cast a peaceful glow across the training room floor. “And your style is unpredictable. That will serve you well in battles.”

“Unpredictable?” You echoed. You also didn’t drop your guard stance; you knew Master Windu wouldn’t permanently injure you, but he also wasn’t deactivating his lightsaber. You were trying to read the situation, letting the Force flow through you; if he was simply testing your instinct, there was no point in giving the salute if you were not engaging him. Then, if he was about to engage you in a duel, it would only be proper form.

Master Windu dipped his lightsaber to the side, a signal that his intent was non-threatening. You allowed your own guard to loosen, but kept the stance. “Indeed. In combat you utilize Soresu and Ataru, but your opening guard is that of Makashi. In combination with your Djem So use, and what I am going to be teaching you, your opponent will be unprepared for your skill.” 

You nodded, understanding. “Thank you,” you said, relaxing slightly. “I am prepared to begin my training. Thank you again for this honor.”

Master Windu bowed his head in a single deep nod. “It is not training I give lightly.” He moved, slowly following the curve of the floor as he began to circle you. “This Form is dangerous, not only in it’s ferocity, but also in its principle. It requires unmatched focus. Do you know why this Form is so restricted, (y/n)?”

You followed him with your eyes as he continued to move, studying you. “The other Jedi Masters say it is a gateway to the Dark Side,” you ventured. It was what they had said, more or less--that its precepts and methods treaded the line between Light and Dark, pushing one over to the Dark if they weren’t careful.

That seemed to get amusement from Master Windu, not that it showed on his face. You could feel him reaching out through the Force, reading you as best he could. Over the years, you had learned it was easier to use the Force to mask your emotions’ influence from your superiors, rather than be rid of them altogether. Master Windu was sensing that wall of false peace, though it was clear that he wasn’t reading it for what it was. “They are correct, in a way. Many practitioners of this Form have fallen to the Dark Side, swayed by its influence. This Form also goes against much of what they have taught you.” You tilted your head a little, silently asking he continue.

“You have learned that a Jedi must never utilize their emotions and must maintain an inner peace, for passion is the path to the Dark Side. This decree is clear in the Jedi Code. _ Vaapad _ , however, is a state of mind that allows you to enjoy the fight and accept your opponent’s anger to power your attack, and its combative aspect is far more focused on physical combat than many Jedi are comfortable with. _ Vaapad _ leads through the penumbra of the Dark Side, without falling to its influence. The principles of _ Vaapad _should never be taken as leave to allow your emotions to take over; acknowledge and be vigilant of the thrill and power their use brings, and dismiss it. Do you understand?”

You nodded fervently. “Yes, I understand,” you agreed. It sounded dangerous, and in truth, it made you nervous to tread so close to what the Sith that killed Qui-Gon had used, but a part of you knew you would be able to handle maintaining the balance and internal pressure for the form. Part of you knew you already used that aspect of the form, to some degree. “I swear to remain vigilant of my use of this training.”

Master Windu stopped pacing, coming to a halt in front of you. “As well I expect you to. I am here to train you, but I am also here to help you. If you find you struggle with maintaining the control required, I will drill you in such. However, if at any time I feel you are slipping to the Dark without seeking aid, I reserve every right to rescind my tutelage.”

You nodded again, bowing. “I understand,” you repeated, “and I respect your authority to do so. I am ready to accept whatever teachings you have to offer me.”

The Master Jedi seemed pleased with your acceptance of his rules, as well as how seriously you took the danger of the Form. “Very well. Your first instruction is to observe the Form in use, that you know what you will be aiming for in the scheme of your trainings.” He dropped into an opening stance you had never seen, the violet line of his saber held at a ready angle above his head, his other hand out flat, ready to launch into an example display.

“Tell me, (y/n). How many arms do you see?”


	11. Practice Duels: Age 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, padawans just want to have fun!
> 
> In which Anakin is a sneaky little shit, and a chase ensues. Plus, discomfort from the Jedi Council.
> 
> Warnings: Violence? Mild swearing?  
(Much less swearing than in some of my other fics, in any case.)
> 
> (Next chapter will be live in one hour, 11pm PST!)

“Anakin!” The tug on your belt loop had startled you, and you whirled just in time to see your fellow padawan backing away down the hall, smug grin widening on his face. “Give that back!”

He held up your lightsaber in one hand, shaking it tauntingly. “If you want it, come get it!” 

You reached out, trying to pull it from his hand with the Force, but he used that power in equal measure to keep the saber firmly pressed against his palm. He chuckled, then turned and ran down the hall. Refusing to give him that victory, you gave chase, bolting down the long corridor after him. “Anakin Skywalker, when I catch you, I will  _ kick your ass! _ ”

A few twists and turns (and no small amount of nearly running into other padawans and Jedi) later, you were on the courtyard level of the Temple. You were just as fast as Anakin, despite his advantage of longer legs, but he’d had the advantage of a head start. He dashed around another corner and you kept hot on his trail, pushing against the opposite wall with the Force to steady yourself on the sharp turn. Just before he managed to fling himself through an archway window and into the courtyard, you reached out again; but this time, you targeted  _ his _ lightsaber. It promptly yanked free of his belt, landing neatly in your hand. In a bonus turn of events, the tug on his belt gave just enough distraction to startle him. He landed on the windowsill, looking around his feet for his lost weapon. 

“Missing something?” You teased, using the same tone he had just moments ago. You closed in, jumping onto the windowsill to face him.

His expression melted from confusion to acceptance the minute he realized what you had done in the absence of his planning, or lack thereof. “I suppose I deserved that one, didn’t I?”

“A saber for a saber.” 

You smirked as he stepped in, intending to take his back. The blade shot from the hilt, illuminating in a bright streak of blue. Handling his lightsaber was disconcerting; you could sense the imprint of himself he had left in the kyber through his years of training with it as surely as you could sense his presence in front of you. Catching on to your actions, he illuminated your saber in challenge, and you knew he could sense the same. Your smile broke into a grin, and you jumped from the windowsill with a Force-propelled somersault, landing cleanly on the flagstones below. 

“If you want it back, you’re gonna have to come get it!”

For a moment, Anakin looked as if he might argue, but you knew him well enough to know the thought process he was currently having. Sure, it would be much easier to simply demand a trade and be done with it, but he  _ had _ made you chase him through the Temple...and he knew you well enough to know that peaceful saber exchange was no longer an option. The resignation of that thought process finale crossed his face and you stepped back, preemptively affording him space to jump down and challenge you.

His feet hit the flagstones not a moment later, landing as soft as a Mandalorian assassin. You gave a brief salute--it wasn’t like this was formal combat, but you kept the skill sharp--and dropped into a guard stance. There was no sense in either of you discussing the terms of the duel. Both of you wanted your saber back from the other, and that would surely be the condition on both sides. You braced as he took the opening stance of Form Five, then lunged the moment he launched an attack. 

The pair of you whirled through the courtyard in a blaze of blue and violet light. Compared to your usual training skirmishes, this duel was clumsy. Anakin’s saber was not used to fluid, finessed movements; each of your usual moves came out a little stunted and clumsy unless you utilized a Form Five movement. His saber could work with that in the proper conductance of your Force use. You weren’t the only one having problems, though; Anakin’s entire fighting form had become clumsy as your saber resisted the larger, choppier, power-packed moves of Form Five he used. 

Thankfully, the awkwardness didn’t last forever. The more you dueled across the courtyard, the more your fighting styles began to adapt to that of the other’s saber. Anakin stopped fighting your saber’s fluid form and adjusted, carrying out an impressively graceful and fluid alteration of his typical style. Likewise, you blocked and met his onslaughts, pushing more power into your fight than you typically did. His saber had responded to that approach well, and had eagerly met you halfway on the matter. 

Your focus was broken when a searing pain shot across the back of your hand. Anakin’s saber dropped on reflex as your violet blade glanced away, having left only a small burn mark where your hand met your wrist.The blue lightsaber flew directly into the unoccupied hand of a very smug, very triumphant Anakin. He wasn’t going to win that easily. Taking advantage of your unique surprise factor, you lunged forward, a decidedly calculated move given that you no longer had a means of protection. Pushing out with the Force, you kept the double-wielded lightsabers at bay just long enough to step directly into Anakin’s personal space, hook your leg on his knee, pivot on your heel, and yank backward. 

Like a tree having been cut, Anakin wobbled, then toppled, all six feet of his stature meeting the flagstones with a considerable cloth-accented thud, closely followed by the dual clatter of lightsabers. Wasting no time, you darted forward, chasing yours as it skittered away on the stones. Your breath was knocked clean from your lungs as the full airborne force and weight of Anakin’s body slammed into you from behind, knocking you to the ground with a substantial thud, your fingers mere inches from your saber. You wiggled as much as you were able without using the Force to fling him off, but his weight kept you stationary, and the arm around your waist kept you from making any progress forward. Even your attempts to summon your saber with the Force were thwarted by Anakin’s opposing Force use; given, you could overpower him if you really wanted to, but between your extra midichlorians and your training in Form Seven, you refused to use unfair advantages in practice, daresay play, duels such as this.

“You. Are. An. Ass,” you panted, struggling to breath between his shoulder in your back and the hard stone pressing into your chest.

“I’m your favorite ass.” You could almost hear the grin on his face. “Jedi don’t fight dirty like Tatooine street fighters, (y/n). I should tell Obi-Wan!”

“Go ahead,” you countered, letting your body go limp. “Be sure to lead in about how you stole the lightsaber of another Jedi in a time of need.”

He shifted off of you slightly, and you were sure he did so to look at your face. “You were in a time of need?”

You shoved down on the flagstones as hard as you could, shoving your back upwards so fast that Anakin fell off in surprise. You were on your feet in an instant, and your lightsaber flew home to your hand, Anakin’s opposition interrupted. A true trickster grin grew on your face. “Yes, as a Jedi, I always need my lightsaber!”

Any tension between you, real or imagined, was broken in an instant. Anakin hauled himself to his feet, looking quite smug about the whole ordeal. “You know, there are some Jedi who don’t use their lightsabers. Legend has it there’s even a few out there who don’t even  _ own _ a lightsaber.”

“Well, I own one and I use it  _ frequently _ .” You jokingly ignited and brandished the blade. “For sanctioned practice duels, and for when other padawans try to steal it.”

“Is that a challenge?” Anakin ignited his own in response. Despite each of you having learned a thing or two from the other’s saber, the respective kybers seemed happy--if a questionably sentient stone could feel such things--to be back with the Force presences that they preferred. 

“Whether it is or not is irrelevant. You are both in trouble.” 

You and Anakin turned, slowly and in unison, to look at the source of the voice. Obi-Wan was lurking in the shadow of an archway, clearly having watched your interactions for a while. 

“Why? We’ve dueled out here before,” you said, immediately defending the little fight the pair of you had resolved. 

“Yes. But you are both old enough to know better than to go barrelling through the Temple like a hawk-bat trapped in the body of a youngling. Even they know better than that. I had to hear about your behavior from the  _ Council.  _ Do you want to explain yourselves?” Obi-Wan stepped out from the shadows, face as stern as he could make it. It still didn’t quite hold a candle to the intensity of Mace Windu’s disdain; but then, Master Windu was almost always cross-looking. It took a lot to really make Obi-Wan mad. 

You and Anakin stood in silence, quietly communicating through your link. “We were just running a....simulation,” you finally said. 

“A simulation.” Obi-Wan’s eyebrow clearly did not believe a word of what you said. 

“Yeah. The training rooms are too small to really run in,” Anakin chimed in. “We can run in them, sure, but nowhere near as much as actual missions require us to. We needed the extra practice.”

“We thought we took the route we did, we wouldn’t risk running into nearly as many people. We’re sorry, Master Obi-Wan,” you finished. That was the perk of being able to communicate the way you could; making up stories and being able to corroborate them on the spot was an infinitely useful skill.

Obi-Wan looked from you to Anakin and back again, then shook his head. “Very well. Perhaps I will mention it to the Council as a potential improvement. In the meantime, however, your behavior was still ill-managed, and as such there are consequences.” He paused for a moment, thinking. His face scrunched as he thought harder, then relaxed when he found the answer he was seeking. “I want the pair of you to scrub the flagstones out here clean. By hand, no using the Force to make the brushes do it for you.”

“We can work together?” You were surprised by that notion. Usually your punishments were served separately, as chaos could easily ensue when you were serving a detention together.

“Yes, but you must stay on task. If it helps, pretend Master Windu has not only handed out this punishment, but is also overseeing it.” 

“How many brushes are we allowed?” It was your turn to look at Anakin, but you quickly caught onto what he was asking. 

“However many you need, for non-nefarious purposes. Now go fetch the supplies. I trust you know where they are.” Obi-Wan’s demeanor had softened considerably, but he was still determined to fulfill his role as your mentor. You and Anakin retrieved the brushes and buckets, then the water, and set to work, one brush in each hand for double-duty, your lightsabers returned to their rightful places on your respective belts. This was hardly the first time you had been punished by scrubbing the courtyard, and part of you doubted it would be the last.

~

“Those two are old enough to know better. I would have thought at least young (l/n) would have refrained from such immaturity. I was certain my lessons were teaching her better.”

“Her tutelage, will you continue?”

Master Windu sighed. “Yes. She is excelling in her studies. I daresay she is one of the best students I have taught. Her misstep was not in her work, and while I believe she should be old enough to refrain from such childlike behaviors, mistakes are only human. She and young Skyalker do not have the same discipline as the other younglings and padawans, at any rate. Likely because they started late.”

Yoda nodded slowly, seconding the Jedi Master’s monologue. “Much she has learned, yet much she has yet to learn. Concerned for her elsewhere, I am.”

“What concerns you?” Master Windu looked at the small green Jedi from the edge of his vision. 

“Very strong, her connection to young Skywalker is. Too close, I fear they may become.” Yoda narrowed his eyes, peering through the pristine glass. Far below, you and Anakin scrubbed the dirt and settled smog from the courtyard. Bubbles flew as you jokingly threw a brush at Anakin, and Obi-Wan’s stern reprimand followed, muffled by distance and structures. “Attached they are, moreso I fear they will become.”

“You think they would betray the Code to be together?” Deep down, Master Windu knew Yoda had a point. For not being allowed attachments, you and Anakin were attached at the hip, even if you made sure to keep it muted around the Council and Jedi Masters. Despite that, he never would have taken you, of all people, to be the one to break the rules to that extent. Bend them nearly so, perhaps, but breaking them...he suspected that would be Anakin’s style more than yours. It was why he barely confided his trust in either of you, Anakin less so than yourself.

“Hmmmmmmm.” Yoda’s ears twitched, and his whole body moved with a meditative intake of breath. “Clouded, the future is for both young padawans. Perhaps, perhaps not. Watch them closely, we shall.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On swearing: despite my unabashed swearing in other fics, I've tried to keep the more real-world swears out of these ones simply because, as purchasing has resulted, Star Wars is now Disney. Because of that, I'm sure there are more kids that will be reading through Star Wars fics than some of the other fandoms I write for.  
Plus, from what I've seen, Star Wars is Wholesome in that way, whether you look at prequels, OG series, or the sequels.
> 
> (And for other fandoms, I'm sure that any kids reading their fanfics have already read far worse than whatever words I put in the story by the time they get to mine, and while I haven't read a lot of SW fanfics, it seems to be a general rule that they honor the canon Wholesome aspect in that way. Bantha-dung is a perfectly reasonable insult, among others!)


	12. Midnight Refuge: Age 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's a one-shot collection without an obligatory fic from this particular trope?
> 
> All fluff, no smut.
> 
> Warnings: None

"Here we are," Obi-Wan announced, gesturing up at the building. The planet you were on reminded you vaguely of Coruscant, but the air was clearer, crisper, and less composed of fumes. You had also spied swathes of green and blue splitting up the thick cityscapes on your way into the atmosphere. You squinted up at the hotel, which gleamed orange-red in the sunset light.

"Aren't we supposed to be meeting with someone?" You asked, having to raise your voice to be heard over the echo of speeder traffic. 

"We will meet with them tomorrow morning. It is late now. Our business can wait." Obi-Wan adjusted his cloak on his shoulders and headed for the door.

"We could still talk to them tonight. Then we wouldn't have to get up so early," Anakin chimed in, bracing the door for you to walk through. The hotel was fairly low-tech as far as mechanics went, and the decor was probably popular a few decades ago. In any case, its lack of current fashion kept it low profile. "And we wouldn't have to sleep here."

Obi-Wan shook his head. "Patience, Anakin. It can wait. We also cannot rely on them to afford us board." The diplomats you were to meet with were would-be secessionists, and your job was to convince them not to join the separatist movement. Their planet was particularly valuable to the Republic, and the other Jedi felt they could be won over. Anakin sighed through his nose, but you both followed Obi-Wan up to the front desk without argument.

"Hello. We need three rooms," Obi-Wan said, addressing the individual behind the desk. You were somewhat surprised that their position wasn't filled by a droid, but you supposed it was part of the hotel's low tech charm.

The Rodian looked up, considering Obi-Wan for a moment. "We only have two rooms available," they offered. 

"Two of us can share," you suggested. The three of you had once shared a corner in a cargo hold to rest, draped over each other in lieu of pillows. You knew you could somehow make two whole hotel rooms work. 

Obi-Wan gave you a short nod and turned back to the Rodian. "We'll take them." He slid the credits across the counter, and scooped up the key cards that were pushed to him. "Thank you."

You followed them into the lift, and Obi-Wan pushed the button for the floor listed on the card. "Anakin, you can share with me," he said, more of a decision than an offer.

You cringed inwardly, remembering every time that particular arrangement had been attempted. It almost always ended in you and Anakin sharing anyhow, because their arguments in such close quarters always escalated them to the point of needing space. If Obi-Wan didn't kick Anakin out of the room, he stomped out himself and slammed the door--somehow managing to do so even if it were a mechanical door. Your companions seemed to be remembering that too. 

"Ani and I could share too. That way you have your space."

"Very well," Obi-Wan said, nodding. "Are you fine with that arrangement, Anakin?" He received a nod in response. The doors slid open before you, revealing the polished metal floor of the hallway.

Obi-Wan led the way to the rooms, handing you the shared room key before tucking his own into the card slot. The door slid open to reveal a dark room, golden lines marking the closed blinds on account of their sunset backlighting. "Make yourselves comfortable. I will see you in the morning. Goodnight." He then ducked into his room, taking his key card with him, and disappeared when the door closed.

"Make ourselves comfortable? What if the beds are glorified rocks?" You joked, trying to lighten the mood with some sarcasm. 

It seemed to work, because Anakin broke into a small smile. "We should see what we're working with before we mock it too badly, don't you think?" 

You returned his smile and slid the card into the slot until it gave a soft click. You took it back as the door slid open, and Anakin followed you inside.

He nearly ran into you when you stopped dead. The blinds in your room were wide open, letting the muted decor gratefully drink in the golden light. Anakin looked around, trying to discern why you had stopped. His gaze drifted from the diminutive dresser, to the tiny bathroom visible beyond it's door, to the open blinds, until it landed where yours had settled. On the single bed. 

“It looks like we’re _ really _ sharing,” you observed, finding your feet and moving out of the way. 

Anakin drifted in behind you, looking over the bed critically. “You know, we don’t have to share if you’re not comfortable with it. I can go ask Obi-Wan if I can bunk with him. It’s not a big deal, (y/n).”

You turned, looking up at him with a raised eyebrow. “I never said I was uncomfortable, I was just expecting there to be two beds. There usually are.” The metal floor clicked softly under your boots as you crossed the room. “You don’t need to risk a fight sharing with Obi-Wan over it.” 

Anakin shrugged. "I don't have objections to sharing the bed if you’re okay with it. I just thought you might prefer to have it to yourself."

That brought a grin to your face as you turned back to him. "You really think I need _ that _ much bed to myself?" 

You gestured to the furniture in question. Despite the demure, humble nature of the hotel, the bed was an absurdity that rivaled the beds Padmé had had in her palace. You had begun to think that it was a matter of perspective, that that bed had just seemed huge at the time because you had been small, but no. The bed was as expansive as the Tatooine desert, and you were a whole entire young adult woman now. You could only assume the bed was so big on account of larger species needing a place to sleep.

Anakin's face quirked a teasing grin. "Perhaps. I know you like your personal space."

A laugh snorted through your nose. "Personal space, sure. I don't need a whole personal galaxy." That drew a laugh from him, and you burst out in giggles. 

Your laughter trailed off as you brought yourself back to the conversation at hand. "Are you sure _ you're _ okay with sharing?"

He nodded. "Of course. We used to share beds all the time, remember?" 

You did. "At least now it’s not because we're having nightmares or homesickness too badly to sleep." 

You slid your cloak off, tossing it to land on the dresser. Anakin's followed it, the slightly darker shade of brown looking black in the red remains of sunset. Your overtunics followed, and your boots went just under the edge of the dresser. Your lightsabers sat beside each other, ready at a moment's notice.

Dramatically, you flopped back on the bed, only pants and your lowest tunic left beyond anything worn beneath. Even sprawling over the scratchy blanket, taking up as much room as possible, you didn't even take up half the bed. Anakin flopped back beside you, and the protesting bed springs bounced you slightly on impact. 

"This bed is ridiculous," you said, and Anakin turned his head to look at you. "But not that much more comfortable than the ones back at the Temple."

He nodded in agreement, then pushed himself up, rearranging the pillows. He tossed himself back on the small cushion pile, stretching out. "You never call the Temple home," he commented, squirming to get comfortable. He tucked his hands behind his head and crossed one leg over the other. 

You rolled onto your side, grabbing and folding a pillow of your own to rest your elbows on, before finishing the turn onto your stomach, propped up by your upper arms. "Of course not. The Temple is where we live, sure, but Tatooine will always be our home. It seems wrong to call other places home."

He nodded, seeming to consider that. "I think home can be people, too."

You thought about that for a few minutes, idly untwining your main braid, and finally nodded. "I can see that." You ruffled out your loose hair, letting it fall naturally, before dragging your fingers along your scalp to comb it out of your face. "I suppose I consider you home. You and Mama Shmi." A crooked grin crossed your face. "I guess Obi-Wan can have third place."

That brought a genuine wide smile to Anakin's face. "I consider you home, too," he said softly, dropping his arms. "I know that no matter where we go, no matter what happens to us, we'll have each other. We'll have each others' backs." 

You reached out, taking his hand in your own. "We'll always be there for each other, no matter what," you agreed. 

The sun had finally set, and the first bright streaks of moonlight glanced in the high windows, shining across the pair of you in the dark. You looked up at him, into those ocean-blue eyes, knowing you both meant what you had said wholeheartedly. Every fiber of you wanted to plunge on, to admit to him what you had felt since before you had left Tatooine. You took the breath to do so, but something choked the words in your throat, and your filtered admission came out as a long sigh. Guilt twisted your insides for not saying it, but the same something kept it from coming out on your next intake of breath. 

Instead, that second breath brought different words. "We should probably get into the actual bed," you said quietly. You thought you could hear the regret in your voice, but you decided it was your mind playing tricks on you for your balking. "I think we have a long day tomorrow. Especially if the negotiations are," you smiled, "short."

He beamed back, teeth bright white in the pale blue light. "Good point." 

He pulled the blankets from under himself as you pushed yourself up, and flipped them back for you to crawl underneath. You did so, and you both spent a good few minutes fluffing and arranging your pillows. He playfully hit you in the shoulder with one, and you gleefully struck back, initiating a small pillow fight that made your laughter echo through the room.

The door slid open, and you both jumped out of your skins as you turned to look at the doorway. A groggy Obi-Wan leaned against the doorway, eyes sharp despite the pallor of sleep resting on his face. 

"What are you two _ doing _ in here?" he rasped, blinking away sleep.

You held up a pillow, forcing yourself to maintain your composure. "Pillow fight?"

His scowl deepened, and you carefully put the pillow down where it was supposed to go. "But we're done now and going to sleep," you continued. "Like good Padawan learners."

He nodded, and you felt Anakin stealthily set down his own pillow. "See to it that you do. Tomorrow will be tiring. _ None _ of us can afford to lose sleep." He gave you both a pointed look. "Goodnight, Anakin. (Y/n)." He turned, letting the door fall out of his Force influence, and it shut behind him.

You looked back to Anakin, sharing a bemused look and whispered giggles. You took up your pillow again, half-heartedly bopping him on the shoulder with it before putting it back. "He's no fun."

Anakin chuckled quietly. You were both making sure to keep your voices down now. "I can't believe I'm agreeing with him on something for once, but he is right. We should sleep."

You nodded your agreement, letting yourself fall back on the pillows. They were extremely squishy, well-used and probably missing half the stuffing they were made with. You considered Anakin from where you lay, and the temptation to speak your mind hit again when you caught yourself admiring how the moonlight traced his cheekbone and jaw. The words sat in your chest uncomfortably, but you could feel your gaze melt under their influence.

He laid back, turning to look at you. "What?" 

"Nothing." It was a lie. The words in your chest grew heavier, but there was no point in letting them out. Attachments were forbidden, and the Order didn’t appreciate how close the pair of you were platonically, let alone anything else.

“You look like you want to say something.” He turned on his side, pulled a pillow under his head, and finished the turn to lay on his stomach, arms tucked beneath his pillow.

Of course he could tell. He always could. You looked away, unable to meet his gaze in your denial. "I'm just tired and spacing out a bit, I think."

He smiled in a reassuring way. "Well, goodnight then, (y/n)." Anakin drew the blankets up over himself, angling away from you as he sprawled out, trying to get comfortable. “Just remember. I’m here if you need or want to talk about anything. I mean it.”

You smiled, though he couldn’t see it now. "Thank you, Anakin. Goodnight."

You stared at the ceiling until time seemed to stop existing in all but the slow shift of moonlight across the room. Regret tore at your conscious. _ I should have said it, _ you told yourself, but you knew it wasn't that simple. You squeezed your eyes shut, letting yourself fall into a meditative state to try to discern your hesitation. When you opened your eyes several minutes later, all you had come up with was a lingering sense that you shouldn't say anything, and a strong sense that there was some level of unbreachable platonic layer between you. 

You shifted, turning your back to Anakin's as you tugged the blankets over your shoulder. Deep down, you knew his heart dwelled on Padmé. Even almost a decade later, he still spoke of her, still wondered aloud if she thought of him. You wondered if he would talk about you that way if you were ever that separated from each other that long. A loud snore from Anakin interrupted your thoughts, snapping you out of your own head. You let out a long breath that you didn't realize you'd been holding. Looking over your shoulder at his sleeping form, you decided that your instincts had made the right decision for you. Whatever his feelings towards you or Padmé, or vice versa, you knew the Order would never permit acting on them. You pushed down the remnant emotions that begged you to make them known, deciding that what you had now--a friendship and attachment deeper than most Jedi would ever permit-- was the best you could ask for.

You sighed again as you made yourself relax, forcing your mind to stop racing and contemplating. Anakin's low snores and soft, slow breathing helped, reassuring you of his presence. Your eyes drifted shut under the sudden weight of exhaustion, having been staved off by your meditation. The moon now came in the windows fully, bathing the room in reflecting pale light that dimmed into darkness as you faded from consciousness.

~

You woke without opening your eyes, the soft orange-red glow of morning sun through your closed eyelids being all you could stand in your barely conscious state. You shifted your head slightly, your pillow scratchier and firmer than you remembered. The blanket seemed heavier, too. You curled into yourself slightly, and as you became more conscious of your surroundings, you became acutely aware of the fact that your pillow was slowly moving, and giving off a warmth that rivaled the sands of Tatooine in the midday suns. That brought you more fully awake, albeit groggily, and you cracked open an eye. 

Sometime in the night, you and Anakin had shifted. Your head rested on his chest, and your frame had molded to his side. One of your legs was draped across his. It wasn't one sided; the heaviness that you thought had been the blanket were his arms, wrapping around your back securely to pull you against his chest, and his other ankle crossed that of your draped leg. You savored the moment, letting his steady heartbeat in your ear be your indicator of time. Snuggling wasn't strange for either of you, but you hadn't done so in a long time. He shifted under you after a few minutes, and you heard his breathing and heartbeat change pace at his consciousness. A complainant noise at waking resounded through his chest, sounding deeper to your ear than it otherwise would have.

"Morning," you murmured, not opening your eyes. You felt him look down at you, and half expected him to peel you off. Instead, you felt his arms tighten around your back slightly in a soft hug.

"Is it already?" He finally replied, voice gravelly with sleep. You nodded against his chest, prompting a long sigh of resignation from him. "We should start getting ready to go. Obi-Wan is probably already up and meditating."

"We should," you agreed, but you also didn't move. You smiled slightly when he didn't make any attempt to either. With no small amount of effort, you pushed up onto your elbow a moment later. You made a face, wiping at your cheek with your hand. "Ew. I'm sorry about that," you said, giving the damp spot on his tunic where your face had been an apologetic look. 

He looked down at himself as you unearthed yourself from his arms and the blankets, the chilly room air cold on your bed-warmed skin. "Don't worry about it," he reassured you. "My overtunic will cover it, and I've got a clean undertunic on the ship. Besides, I've had worse things on me than a little drool."

You offered him a sheepish smile as you slid to the end of the bed, finger-combing your messy hair. He returned the smile before rolling to the other side of the bed, gathering his clothes and heading for the bathroom. You wiped the last dregs of sleep from your eyes, then stretched, feeling your spine crack in succession.

While Anakin got ready behind the closed door, you dressed in the main room, pulling on your overtunic and boots. You deposited the cloaks on the bed, respective lightsabers on top, then headed for the bathroom door, giving it a quick knock.

"Just a minute," he called, but you had the sneaky suspicion that it would not be just a minute.

"Come on, you've been in there for ages! Don't tell me you're meditating on the toilet again." A scattering of items fell off the counter inside, followed by quiet cursing.

The door slid open. Anakin was dressed, but he still looked disheveled. "My hair isn't cooperating today," he said. He turned, continuing to run his comb through his short-haired bedhead to no avail. "I need to fix it before Obi-Wan lectures me on it."

You stepped around him and into the tiny bathroom. Odds and ends hotel toiletries littered the counter, and a bottle of shampoo was still under the edge of the toilet.

"Here," you said, grabbing the comb from his hand and wetting it under the water. You turned to him and he looked at you, puzzled, as you pointed at the closed toilet. "Sit. You're too tall for me to do this right standing up." He did as you said, and you pulled the damp comb through his hair, letting the water iron out the stubborn bedhead. Within minutes, it looked several times more presentable than it had before.

"Thank you," he said, standing and appraising your work in the mirror.

You nodded your response, getting to work on your own mess of hair. "Of course. Water fixes everything, right?" 

You were glad that hotels provided as much as they did, as Jedi never seemed to travel with any of their own toiletries. The hotel brush tore out the tangles in your long (h/c) hair until it was neat and tidy, and you quickly put toothpaste on the toothbrush, promptly working up bubbles between your teeth. Anakin followed suit, filling the bathroom with the sweet herbal scent of the paste. 

The paste swirled down the sink when you finished, and you met Anakin's eyes in the mirror as you checked over your Padawan braid. It didn't often need rebraiding, but you did regular maintenance when the hairs pulled out of the plaits and rendered it loose. It was fine for now, and you moved on to the rest of your hair. "What do you think is taking Obi-Wan so long?" You asked. With a little focus and finger movement, your hair moved on its own, braiding itself in your usual fashion by way of the Force.

"Who knows. Probably still meditating," Anakin said, then looked at you from the corner of his eye, smirking. "He'd be mad if he saw you do that." 

You flashed him a grin, turning to him fully. "Of course he would. But you know," you tipped your chin up and dropped your voice and inflection to a vague approximation of Obi-Wan's, "_today is a very busy day. We must hurry. There is no time to waste." _That got you a full grin from Anakin, who laughed as he followed you out of the bathroom. You swung on your cloak and hooked your lightsaber on your belt loop. 

"We should go before he comes in after us," he said, the humor fading from his voice. You nodded your agreement, following him to the door.

"At least you didn't start your day arguing with him," you pointed out, and followed him to the door. "Especially after we interrupted his beauty sleep."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: The reason you and Obi-Wan don't share a room instead is because back when you shared beds with Anakin over nightmares and such, you crawled into his thinking it was Anakin's in a groggy sleep state. Obi-Wan freaked out because he was afraid he would get in trouble for forming attachments (e.g. babying his padawans, even though that wasn't the case), and you two have a long-standing agreement that you don't share rooms, with the exception being if all three of you must share for some reason!  
I just couldn't get that info to flow in-story.
> 
> Coming soon: Episode II: Attack of the Clones!


End file.
